


A New Beginning

by DestielAndMagic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Powers (Supernatural), Angel Wings, BMol - Freeform, British Men of Letters Being Assholes, Castiel Being Castiel, Croatoan, Cute Moments With A Baby, Dean Winchester Being Dean Winchester, F/F, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Feels, Fights, Fluff and Smut, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, Idiots in Love, Kidnapping, Long Ass Series Coming Up, Lucifer (Supernatural) - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Slow-ish burn, Sorry about the spontaneous updates, Wings, emotional development, slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 16:31:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15976142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielAndMagic/pseuds/DestielAndMagic
Summary: It's been three weeks of Sam, Dean and Cas cleaning up after Lucifer's temper tantrums, and once they found out that he was just on a path of reckless destruction with no plans what so ever, all Hell broke loose. None of them have had a break from the endless cases he was making. Cas was sent out to a particularly odd one in Madison, Georgia that would change the boys forever.





	1. Caged In With An Angel

**Author's Note:**

> I've actually been working on this series for a REALLY long time. It's about damn time I posted it! I'm nowhere near finished with this series, but I have a lot of writing. It needs some editing before I post the rest, but otherwise I can't wait to post this! Tell me what you think! I realy appreciate constructive criticism.

"Shit!" Cas growled out as he locked the door. Everyone inside was safe, for now. It was the Croatoan virus, he now knew. One of Lucifer's favorites. There were about a dozen people inside, maybe more. The infected were pounding on the doors and pressing up against it, but Cas could close them thanks to his Angelic strength. Once the doors were closed and chained, Cas leaned on the doors until the banging stopp ed. Cas had managed to save everyone he could, but the virus was tricky, to say the least. 

"What's going on?" A woman wailed in panic. The small group was huddled together a few feet away from Castiel, bracing themselves as a meek shield. Cas turned to them after he got the padlock latched on and made sure it wasn't going anywhere. It would be nice to just obliterate them, but he seems to have no effect on them. Lucifer warded them. The perfect disease. As annoying and deadly as it was, it was impressive.

"A virus. Croatoan. It spread through your town and infected the people outside."  Cas said bluntly, with no brace for the crushing reality what so ever. They all just sat there with their mouths hung in shock and horror. Cas really didn't have the time to let them adjust to the whole situation, but he had to give them a couple minutes to get a level head. Things would be a whole lot harder with people running around in hysteria. He strode past them and went down the hall to explore the building. He didn't get the chance to look at the building when they were hauling ass from Croatoan zombies. 

He found himself in a lobby area and a sign on the counter that said  _Cecil Inn._ A hotel. Well, not the most ideal location, but it was what he had to work with. There was no one inside, thank Chuck. He started scavenging the doors for supplies, something, anything. The small group slowly crept into the room, still shaken at the events.

"I'm sorry, but what exactly are you doing?" A man in a suit asked with the slightest venom in his voice. It was surprising to hear someone speak without any screaming, but there was still a tremor in his voice. Cas didn't even look up at him until he nudged Cas in the shoulder with a loud "Hey!" He pulled himself up, just a silver lining of annoyance shining through. His patience was slowly waning. It seemed to be more frequent with Lucifer biting them in the ass.

"We need weapons, any sort of weapon." Cas said as he was rummaging through some cabinets, not giving the man any consolation. Just mops, brooms, and other useless items. Cas groaned in annoyance and paced the room. There had to be something, he thought. 

"What the hell is going on here!?" The suited man yelled. Cas snapped around to face the man and looked him dead in the eye.

"If you insist on getting out of here alive, I would listen." He growled in his Angel-of-the-Lord voice. Cas was starting to fume, and he fully realized how much of an asshole he was being, but he couldn't help it. So, he buckled down and let himself breathe. The man matched Castiel's glare and swallowed his tone, glimpsing the rest of the people.

"So what do we do?"  He asked in a restraining manner. Cas looked at the group of people tightly huddled together looking to Castiel for an answer on shaky legs and weary eyes. The blood. The blood, he just remembered about the blood. The virus was transferred from blood to blood contact.

"Did any of them bleed on you?" Cas asked, his tone grave and his feet urgently strong.

Cas took a few steps forward, prying for an answer. They didn't step back, but they leaned on their heels confused. Cas noticed they still weren't fully back yet from the whole 'supernatural awakening' and took a steadying breath before slowing down his sentence. He can't lose his patience, not now.

"The people outside, did they bleed on any of you?" Cas said slowly. All of them looked around and shook their heads. Cas took a sigh of relief and set on pacing again. He ran his hand through his hair hoping to come up with any ideas on how to get out of this god forsaken town when a young woman spoke up from the group. 

"The janitor's closet might have weapons." She said timidly. Cas tilted his head at the woman as she shuffled towards him. She was a shy girl, keeping her head down. But she was strong, as her arms were muscled and her stance well built.

"You said you need weapons, the janitor's closet might have something." She let a weary smile on her face from Cas’ brightened expression. Cas spun around to find the janitor's closet. He wandered down a short hallway until he fell upon the right door with the door tag that said  _Supply Closet._ He opened the door and found a few crowbars, a hatchet, and some other seemingly helpful things. Wasn't ideal, but it would work.

He came back to the group and handed out the tools amongst them. After a few minutes of contemplating a plan of action, a young man sitting next to one of the doors peeked out from the corner, scouring the area as he came closer. That’s when a Croatoa ran up and threw herself at the door in an attempt to break it down. A scare tactic, but a risk to the group, none the less. 

She started leaving cracks in the glass and Castiel hid everyone in the far corner room and told them to stay silent. Cas could take it out easily but with their warding it would take more effort than usual, and he didn't need a dozen people scrambling around him. Their best move was to lay low. She slammed on the door with more force and made the sound echo through the room as a young voice started to cry. Castiel looked around in confusion until he spotted a woman with long, dark hair and a thin jacket in the back of the room rocking a baby wrapped in a light pink blanket, franticly trying to calm her. 

A few other people picked up on the Croatoa's reactions and glared at the woman with the child. One of them even whispered, "God dammit, you're gonna get us killed!" She just shrugged apologetically and tried to calm the child with two other women shuffling to her side in aid. Cas heard the Croatoa screaming at the baby's cries, feeding its rage, and walked up to the woman. He looked at her with sympathy and lightly took her shaking wrist. She had tears welling in her eyes looking up at him. He just slightly nodded at the woman and placed a finger on the child's forehead.

He knew that infants didn't take Angelic Grace as well as adults, but he had no other option in the haze of the moments. He restrained his Grace as much as he could until just a wisp made to his fingertips. In the next instant the baby was asleep in her arms. She looked up at him and mouthed a star struck and grateful _thank you_ , the rest of the group put still _._ Cas nodded and quietly made his way to the door and slipped though.

He let the Angel blade drop into his hand and snuck towards the Croatoa raging at the door. He was hiding on the side of the entrance waiting for an opening and just as he was about to make his move, she dropped to the floor.  _Huh._  Cas stood there for a few moments longer to make sure she really was dead. After a while he turned to the door and saw her body lying on the ground.  _They eventually burn out,_ he heard Dean’s voice in his head, remembering the night he mentioned his and Sam’s encounter with Croatoa _._

The silence led to the group creeping out of the room. One man saw the corpse on the floor and had to look away in disgusted shock. They all stood there, not knowing what to do. To be completely honest, Cas didn’t either. With all of his Heavenly battles and missions, he was at a halt. To be fair, most of those missions were carried out in sole purpose, no matter who was lost. Cas on the other hand, wanted all of them to live. He always wanted to save all of them, even in Heaven. He again heard Dean’s voice in his head.  _You can’t save everyone_. He even said the words himself. But damned if he wasn’t going to try, like the Winchesters would, and have done.

 Cas looked out the window and saw a bunch of Croatoans surrounding the Hotel. Just staring, waiting for them to break. No one moved for a few minutes, still trying to grasp the situation. 

“What do we do?” The woman trembled, even the soft curls of her hair shivering along with her. Cas took a moment to review their situation. God, he wondered where Dean and Sam were right now. Wait, Dean! I can call Dean.  _Why didn't I think of this sooner?_

Castiel put up a hand to the group and grabbed the cell phone from his trench coat pocket. It had two bars, which he still didn’t entirely understand, but Dean told him he needed at least one to make calls. He didn't go to his contacts because he remembered Dean's number by instinct and dialed. It only rang a couple times before someone picked up.

 _What's up, Cas?_  Dean asked in his usual tone. Cas silently praised his luck for a moment before answering.

"Dean, I'm..." He lost track of his thoughts for a minute and dozed off in fear and relief of hearing his voice before snapping back to the task at hand. "It's Croatoan. They're all outside, and we're surrounded. Can you get here?" Cas wanted to ramble on, but he kept his head, for Dean's sake. Dean didn't waste time with panic and got to the point, but he was panicking. His heart dropped at the words. 

 _Where are you now?_ Dean asked urgently. Cas looked at the sign on the counter to make sure he knew it was the right place, just for insurance. Cecil, Cecil hotel. Right. Dean waited impatiently on the other end but stayed silent.

"Cecil Inn, Madi-" The call cut out without warning and left Cas trying to redial repeatedly with no luck. He looked to the top of the screen and saw a large red ‘X’ over the service bars.  _They got the cell towers._  Everyone in the room noticed the abrupt silence and had worry etched on their faces. The Croatoans were smarter than they looked, and now they just pulled the plug on all their contacts to the outside world. Cas looked at them trying to come up with a plan B. One of them gave him a questioning look and shrugged his shoulders (which he was taught by the masters of being bitchy.)

"The cell towers are down." Cas all but yelled in frustration, breaking a couple of glass vases on the counter of the entrance. Just then they heard someone bolting down the stairs. Everyone took a few healthy steps back and a few of them grabbed their weapons. The man ran at them with blood decorating his figure before he grabbed a man from the group and held him against the wall with an iron grip he had no chance of breaking out of. Cas would've helped but there were two other ones behind the man that charged at the group. 

Everyone was screaming and the infant was again crying. One of them yelled, "Dad, no!" to the one running at Cas. He once again got his Angel blade back in his hand, the cold handle making a near perfect fit in his palm. The first Croatoa was easy enough. It took a few swings, but soon enough he got it. Most of the group hid behind the furniture in the lobby. Two of them tried to get the Croatoa off the man that was being attacked, who was turning the slightest shade of blue as they scratched and clawed.

Cas had to take a while with the second one. He got hit in the face and chest several times and had a cut on his cheek. This one was smart. It saw the woman holding her baby poking out from behind the couch and charged towards them. Cas' eyes widened and ran a blade through the back of its' neck and thrusted it up before it even touched a hair on their heads.

The man was still being held in a chokehold on the wall with the two women trying to pry them apart, sobbing and begging for it to stop. The others stood around bodies of infected, wailing as Cas went towards the two women and launched the Croatoa from the man's throat and thrusted the blade between the eyes, the thud of his body on the ground followed immediately by the other man’s. He fell to the floor with blood dripping from his nose and eyes weighted shut. One woman started to bawl on her knees while the other started to lay him down and check for breath, kneeling next to him.

Cas knelt as well and looked at the man slumped on the floor. The two girls were searching him frantically, throwing their hands around in panic. His eyes were now open, but he looked distant, as neither of the women had seen or noticed yet. It couldn’t've been more than two minutes that he was pinned to the wall. But human forms are sensitive, as Cas had come to learn and the Winchesters had come to teach.

"He's breathing." One of the women sighed loudly in a major effort to calm herself down as she saw his gaze hazily set on hers and the soft rise of his chest, her dark skin outlining her tears and her curls almost slouching with her. The other women snapped her head down to him and yelled with an emotion Cas couldn’t name. A smile of relief and hysteria spread on the face as she sagged to the floor with the man, her headband slipping off to a disarray. She was still in a panic internally, as he was still in a critical condition, but she couldn’t bring herself up to it.

 Cas held out his two fingers to his forehead and ran his grace through his hand with effortless ease. In an instant the man took a sharp breath and shot up from the ground, grasping his neck in astonishment and confusion. They all stared wide-eyed at Castiel with disbelief, except for the two other women. One of them kissed the top of his head, her hands shaking and gripping his face with pale fingers. They all swam in the deafening silence of the room, their eyes glued to Castiel. The woman with the baby got her child to stop crying for the time being as she joined the group in awe. Her eyes were pink, and her face was slick with tears, as were a few other's. The other woman standing next to the man still catching his breath started to ask,

"How... How did you...."

"My name is Castiel. I'm an Angel of the Lord." He said in his gravely tone. The woman's eyes widened with wonder and awe as everyone else shared the same sentiment of confusion and disbelief. One man came out from the crowd looking more puzzled than the rest. Atheist, he was sure.

"Angels aren't real." He more of asked than stated. Castiel knew this would happen, but he thought they deserved to know after tonight. He started to give his best argument of evidence and knowledge to prove his existence. He did have the upper hand, after all.

"There are a lot of things in this world that exist that you can't begin to imagine." Cas said, simple, yet meaningful. The man just threw his hands up and shook his head, not being able to bring an argument to the table that would counter someone having healing abilities, super strength, and the fact that Cas knew so much about absolutely everything. A woman almost fainted and had to be held up for a minute to keep from collapsing. After the initial shock passed (which took a while), Cas started focusing on the group and how to get out. It should have been simple, but they were surrounded, and no one here was exactly a martial arts master with the Supernatural.


	2. You Can't Save (Any)Everyone

A couple excruciatingly long hours of preparing with the most capable people in the group making an arsenal and keeping tabs on everyone else, a man came up to Castiel with a slightly flushed complexion, the same one who was choked by the Croatoa. He tapped him on the shoulder, asking to talk to him in private. Cas didn’t know why in the world he would need to have a conversation with him alone, but he obliged. They found a spot in the hallway and the man rubbed the back his neck nervously. 

“Why…. Why did you ask if they bled on us?” He asked with an anxious expression. 

“The virus spreads through blood to blood contact. I had to make sure none of you were infected.” The man nodded and bit his lip. His face was white, and his forehead had a sheet of sweat. Cas could start to smell the infection spreading through, leaving a sulfur stench in the back of his throat. 

“That thing, when it attacked me, it bled in my mouth.” He sighed. He was starting to let his eyes go a little watery. Cas remembered Dean telling him about this and how they waited for the virus to show, so he had a few hours before he turned. He could find something to save him, and the tools that they had wouldn’t be the most efficient for a merciful death. Cas took in a breath and nodded to himself, going over a plan he was making up as he went. 

 _You can’t save everyone._  

“Until I can figure something out, you have to stay quarantined from the others.” The man nodded and asked for a couple of minutes to tend. Cas approved as the man went to tell the group, grasping the scruff of his beard. He was a good man, Cas thought. He’s met some despicable humans in his time and this one warmed his heart. Like the Winchesters. Those boys were as good as they came. Even though they’ve had more of their fair share of evil deeds, they came through. Every time. They were something different. Dean was something different. It made his insides turn just thinking about him. He actually started to doze off as he thought about him. He snapped himself out of it and told himself he didn't have time for this, as usual.  

He came back into the main lobby and found the two women crying with the infected man bent down next to them breaking the news, they wept and begged for him to stay, grabbed his hand and didn’t let go. They knew it was of no use or point, but they couldn’t bring themselves to let go. The woman with the baby sat behind them crying along. Two other men bowed their heads in sorrow and let their heads droop, not even trying to hold the tears back.  

Everyone in the group took into silence, either bowing their heads or crying, or both. He let them have a minute before he ushered the man in to a conference room nearby. The man took his walk next to Castiel, just barely dragging his feet. He was in the doorway and turned towards Cas before entering the room. 

"Hey, Castiel? Can you promise me something?" He asked in a surprisingly calm tone. Cas could tell he was scared as he saw his control was slowly waning, which was completely understandable in his circumstances. Cas nodded solemnly. 

"Could you take care of them out there? My nieces? They love their uncle Bryan and I don't want them to see me turn into something I'm not." He said with tears burning at the surface and lump in his throat. Cas put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him reassuringly. 

"I will." Cas said, intending to be true to his word. He knew it wasn't a grantee, but he would certainly try. Bryan nodded and wiped his eyes as he walked in with Cas relentingly closing the door.  _You can’t save everyone_ , Dean said. He had no idea how hard it was to hunt until he was put in the game on his own. Even people he didn't know weren't easy to lose. The Winchesters were always better at this. Hell, they were born into it. If only they were here. If only he was here. 

 He came back out to again find the two girls hunched over sobbing into each other. The others were scattered around the lobby making quiet small talk. He heard the two nieces talking and overheard their conversation. He could feel the sorrow and fear brewing deep in their souls, and that kind was hard to avoid. He really shouldn't listen in, as both Sam and Dean have told him its impolite, but he would be able to hear them anyway.  

"Grace, look at me. Please." One of them pleaded as she lifted the other woman's chin.  

"We're gonna make it okay. You and me. It's gonna be okay." She said, her voice oddly sure. The other woman had a tear roll down her cheek and pleaded with her hazel eyes that looked just like Dean's.  _C'mon, get it together, Cas._  

"Vik, I can't..." She said as she sniffled with her eyes swollen with dried tears. She pulled Grace in her arms and kissed her forehead. She whispered comforting thoughts into her ear.  _We're going to get through this. We'll be home before you know it. We'll be okay. I'm gonna make it okay._  They pressed their foreheads together and brushed a small kiss on their lips. They held there in their string of hope in an ocean of misery with their fingers melded together, hoping and praying for their happy ending. 

Cas just sat there pondering the situation.  _They were gay._  Cas knew that homosexual relationships were a prominent thing and that it was more than okay to be, but he just couldn't fathom that two people that were not created to be together fell in love anyway. It was fascinating. And inspiring, none the less. He kept thinking of holding Dean like that and lacing their hands together like that. What it would feel like, smell like, taste like. He again shook these nonsense thoughts from his mind and focused on the task. This just happened all too often. 

After Dean came back from Amara, Cas almost smothered him when he came back in the bunker. He said goodbye to Dean, for good. It wasn’t like the other times when Dean had died, though. Those were sudden, and shocking. While that was a nightmare all on its own, but just knowing that Dean was sacrificing himself and being sent off to certain peril, felt about ten times worse. He felt broken, but he put himself back together, because he made him a promise. And he wasn’t going to let Sam break on his own. 

He lost himself in thought once again and shook himself from his head. 

Cas looked out the window to check on their situation after a while, and he saw there were about twice as many Croatoans outside. They were much closer too. Castiel slammed the blinds shut and stormed into the group. With 3 hours of sitting like ducks in the hotel they should have something on the table for an escape plan.  

"Okay. We need to come up with a plan, soon." Castiel said as he paced the room. They all just shrugged and looked at each other, white panic creeping up their skin at Cas' urgent tone. Cas looked back at them and realized that Grace and Vik weren't in the room. He asked anyone if they had seen them, hoping they just went to another room, but all of them just shook their heads. The woman sitting on the couch holding the baby piped up. 

"They said they wanted to talk to Bryan."  

 _God dammit_. 

"Where are they?" He stormed as he went to look down the hallway. He came to find that conference room Bryan was in had the door slightly open. He was certain he didn’t leave it open before. He could smell the infection coming off the room as the sulfur and sick met his nose, leaving the odor on his tongue. He opened the door excruciatingly slow, hoping not to give himself away.  

When he pried it open he found Byan standing between the girls having a heartfelt moment. Cas saw that Bryan was long gone, he could feel the empty veil of his dead, soulless body with the disease running his brain. He then also saw that he was inching his hand closer to a pair of scissors in his pocket. He came in slowly, putting his hand up to Grace and Vik, who looked confused. Bryan looked Castiel in the eye with a sinister glare spread on his face, one of a cold, heartless monster. 

"Grace, that’s not-"  

 He turned on Grace as he grabbed the scissors from his pocket and jabbed her in the neck and not giving anyone the time to react, the blood spilling to the floor as she choked in panic. Her eyes went cold as her body fell to the ground, where she would never get back up. 

"NO!" Vik screamed watching her body hit the floor as she slowly lost her balance. Cas grabbed the Angel blade from his jacket and attempted to swing at him before it launched him across the room into a bookshelf, knocking him blurry. It turned around to Vik and threw her down. She screamed and kicked and squirmed, but she couldn't get up. 

 He cut his wrist with his fingernail and did the same to Vik's cheek. He pressed the blood together and smeared it on her face before Cas got the bookshelf off from on top of him. Vik stopped screaming and started howling as she let the realization set in that Grace's was corpse was lying right next to her, still bleeding her precious life on the white tile.  

Cas got up from the floor, finally regaining his clarity and drove the blade into his skull. He fell on her and dripped on her clothes. She didn't even try to shove him off as she sniveled. Cas took his arm and yanked him to the side. She didn't move. He offered his hand to her, but she didn't move a muscle. He had to drag her up to get her to stand. 

"I'm sorry." Cas said softly. Vik just stared at Grace's body, cold and lifeless; without her. The tears covered her face and drew the blood down her cheeks in faded marks. Her eyes looked hollow, her expression shocked, frustrated, sad, and dull all at the same time. She sat there with her face seemingly blank and slumped to her knees as she could barely hold herself up. 

"She's gone. They're gone." She sobbed, clutching her legs. The empty sorrow in her eyes was something Cas has only seen a few times before. When all hope was lost, and nothing was left; when it was over. In the span of two or three minutes, she lost her partner and her uncle in the worst way possible. Cas has lost friends and family to death and all of the above. But he has never lost the person he was in love with. Well, not permanently. 

His mind flashes back to Dean again. When Amara was closing in with God taking his last breaths and no other options to save the world. Dean sacrificed himself for the peopled he cared about. For Jody, Claire, Sam, and... Him. He never thought it would hurt as much as it did. But it broke him. He never let show because he made a promise, but it did. To think he would never get the chance to be with him, never get the chance to love him the way he deserved. When he came back he couldn't help the relief spread through his body and the grin that threatened to show on his face, but he had to. So, he did. He hid his emotions. As he had to do now. 

Cas went out of the room to give her some time alone and to check on the rest of the group. Of course, they heard all the ruckus and hid in the corner of the room. I mean, Cas couldn't really blame them for hiding, none of them really knew how to fight. The woman with the baby was crouching down with a mask of fear. 

"Where's Grace and Bryan? And Vik?" She asked with her voice shaking. Cas bowed his head down and shook his head, not having to say it. The woman grasped her mouth and yelped in terror. Vik came out of the room then and held herself low, her head hung and shoulders slightly slumped, her face empty of expression. She slowly walked to a couch nearby and floated down finding a blank stare at the floor. The group got out from the corner and sat next to her. They all knew each other, Cas thought to himself. Well, this was a small town.  

The woman with the baby sat down on the other end of the couch and let the tears fall. She held the baby close to her chest and rocked herself along with the child. Cas felt terrible for what happened. He promised Bryan he would keep them safe, and Grace died. It was barely an hour after he made that promise that he broke it. And in doing so, he broke Vik. 

 _You can’t save everyone._   


	3. Little Light in the Darkness

Cas thought it best to give Vik her space, so he didn't attempt to counsel her. She's had ‘too much shit today’, as Dean would say, and Cas barging in wouldn't be the best idea. When she left to the other side of the building Cas rose no red flags in effort to stop her, as he had a few things to do first. 

Cas took a spot next to the woman and again took her wrist. She looked at him for a few seconds before shying away. Her daughter however, looked him straight in the eye. She had the same blue eyes as him. She had the same hair. It was a strange coincidence, to say the least. But the most peculiar thing was the bond that struck up. He felt close to her, and she had a pull to Cas. Never has there been this sort of connection with a human child and an Angel that weren't even related. Hell, Cas didn’t even know what it was. It was just... there. 

"How did you know Grace?" Cas asked, trying to lighten the subject a little and make himself less intimidating to her. She wiped her nose and gulped down another fit of tears, happily taking the distraction. 

"We were best friends forever. We grew up together, with uncle Bryan." She whimpered. Her baby didn't wake up, but she shifted in her arms, feeling her mom's unease. It was astonishing how connected humans were to one another, especially a mother and child. Amazing creatures, humans were. Castiel was always fascinated by them, flaws and all. They were amazing. It was hard to see them in this merciless demise. 

"I'm sorry." Cas said with truth, his lips pursing. The woman slightly glared at Cas after that. 

"How could 'I'm sorry' make me feel better?" She said with broken venom. She had a point, so Cas took a different approach. 

"What's your name? My name is Castiel but people call me Cas for short. It must have been strange being stuck in a building with a person you don’t even know the name of." He said angling his chin toward her reassuringly. He hoped giving her something of his would give her a comfort of distraction and sympathy. Something to focus on. 

"My name's Melissa. This is my daughter, Alyssa. One month old." She said gesturing to the child in her arms when it started to cry. Melissa got up and went to grab something but found an empty space. She frantically started to look around to find nothing, the couch bare. Her panic started to rise, and Alyssa’s whines became louder. She started whirling around the room desperately rocking Alyssa when she muttered, 

"I thought I had it..." Cas sat there in confusion and concern that the infant's cries might draw unwanted attention. She started looking in the closets whisking around the items inside as she kept on muttering, 

"Cover, cover, I need a cover..." 

"What are you looking for?" He asked softly and without fault. They needed to get the baby to stop crying, and soon. That kind of noise would put the whole group in danger. She was rummaging through drawers and looking all around the couches rocking the screaming baby. 

"She has trouble feeding without a cover. She won't without one." She reminisced, gesturing wildly. Castiel started to catch on and remembered seeing a towel stock in the supply closet. He rushed down the hallway and grabbed a white towel with blue hems and came back to the room. He gently tossed the towel to her as she mouthed another thank you. 

Everything became quiet again as Alyssa started to settle. Melissa calmly sat down and started to feed her on the couch. The room was now silent except for the light talk and the occasional coo of Alyssa. Cas took a seat on the couch next to the two as Alyssa ate. 

Alyssa was so small. It was hard to comprehend that she was a human being at that size, thinking that humans are so small already. Melissa sat with her rocking her into a nap as she came to an end of her feeding. Once she was full Melissa sat her up and started patting her on the back, much to Cas’ confusion. 

“I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that you’ve never seen a baby being burped before?” Melissa laughed softly, noting the look on Castiel’s face. Cas chuckled and shook his head. 

“No, I can’t say that I have. I’ve seen just about everything else on Earth and beyond, past and present, but I can’t say I’ve been witness to this.” Cas said, still puzzled. Melissa saw it and continued rubbing her back. 

“I’m assuming you have no idea what I’m doing.” She said, raising her eyebrow. Cas nodded in confirmation, still immensely confused. 

“Well, you have to wind them after they eat, otherwise their stomach will get upset.” She said, now feeling Alyssa burp, surprisingly without spitting up. Cas smiled and nodded, now that he understood. Melissa shifted her back to a cradle and she fell asleep wrapped and covered with a towel as she floated away in bliss. 

Cas looked down at her as she slept in Melissa’s arms and once again smiled. Something about her was special, and different. And absolutely adorable. Huh. Adorable, Cas thought to himself. He’s never used that word to describe anything until now. Until her. 

“Do you wanna hold her?” She asked, seeing Cas’ fixation on her daughter. Castiel sunk away a little bit and rolled his shoulders, holding up his hands in a polite decline. It's not that he didn't like infants, it was quite the contrary. But he just didn't want to scare or upset her. He knew he wasn't the most epithetic nurturing person, as both Winchesters have told him. She noticed he was nervous and gave him a weak smile. She needed to distract herself from the recent events and thought that Cas could maybe get a break too. Even with being an... Angel and all, he’s probably stressed too. 

“C’mon, I have to use the bathroom anyway.” She prodded with a genius excuse. Cas nodded, and Melissa showed him how to hold her. Alyssa didn’t fully wake up, but she was opening her eyes now. She went back behind the counter to a sign that said ‘women’ which left Cas sitting on the couch holding Alyssa. All his worries melted away in her soft noises and bright blue eyes staring with purity. He could still feel the mark of his grace in the child. He reminded himself to would keep up with them once this is over, just to make sure she was clear of the side effects. He wouldn’t live with himself if something went wrong with her and he wasn’t there to help. 

Cas sat there holding her and watching her breaths, listening to her noises, and looking at her eyes when she opened them. It’s a feeling Cas had never experienced before. But then again, he was an Angel, and he was still trying to understand humans and their ways of living life. But he never thought in his entire existence in this infinitive universe that something as simple as holding a child could be this powerful. 

He wondered if Sam or Dean have felt this. Sam might have with his softer nature, but Dean he wasn’t so sure of. Although his soul showed love, radiated a purity of good intent, glowed with kindness and swam in beauty and belief, his scars marred over that and made him colder. The way he had to be to survive. Survive with others and himself. 

Melissa came out of the bathroom and wiped her eyes, which looked pink and puffy. She was crying. And she didn't want her child to hear. It would be sweet if Cas hadn’t felt her sorrow. 

She sat down next to Cas and smiled at how peaceful her daughter looked in Castiel’s arms. They looked like peace and love; perfection. It was beyond her as to why they shared this connection, as she could spot it in an instant, but it was a blessing in these desperate times. An Angel is watching over her little girl. Not only is he watching over her, but he’s cradling her, and giving her affection. How lucky is that? 

“You’re really good at this, Cas.” Melissa complimented. Castiel smiled back but then had a look of concern for her as another tear slide down her face. One of pain and joy. Pain of losing her family. Two people who meant the world to her. Two amazing, innocent people taken without mercy. Joy of seeing her daughter feeling so content in Castiel's arms. She looked protected, loved. Her little pumpkin was the only thing keeping her held together. Castiel smiled down at her, adoring the little things she did. He was a natural.


	4. Nothing Left (Except You)

While all of this was going on, Vik started to change. She felt the virus writhing inside her. She didn't want to tell anyone because she didn't want to get kicked out, but she couldn't stop it, no matter how hard she fought. She started to lose her sense, her humanity. She tried to hold on to whatever she could, but it all slipped away with her hope and strength; with Grace. 

She was different than Bryan though. She could hide her scent from the Angel, like nothing was wrong. No idea why, but she could control it with her madness. The depths of her lost love gave her a power of anger she never would've imagined. She didn't want it, she wanted Grace, she wanted Uncle Bryan. But she couldn't get them back, and this is all she had, whether it be her choice or not. 

She picked the padlock and undid the chains without anyone noticing. The chains slowly dropped to the floor as she gave a signal to the Croatoans outside. She picked them up and swung them around in a sort of huzzah of victory. Again, she didn’t know how or why she was doing this, but she didn’t have time to question as she felt herself slip off into nothing and the stench of rotten eggs clouded her being. 

After talking to Melissa for a while about human evolution, children, and somehow the Neanderthals and their poetry, Cas grabbed Melissa's wrist with concern when she had a tear slide down her cheek. 

"Are you okay?" Cas asked. Melissa sniffled and wiped her eyes with a chuckle and nodded, wiping her nose. 

"Yeah, yeah I'm okay. It's just... Bryan and Grace would go to the museums all over the country and I remember when they came back from one of their trips... They went on and on about the first people on Earth and how they thought we got here. How we got this amazing, beautiful paradise as our home, kinda like you. I just can't really wrap my head around the fact that Grace and Bryan are really gone." Cas shifted Alyssa to one arm and gave Melissa a fond shoulder hug when Vik waltzed in and strode around the door, dragging the clinking chains in her hands, making a metal clang with each step. 

"Yeah, Gracie's dead, Bryan's dead, we're all gonna die." Vik sighed. The real Vik left the building, and all that was left was the yellow powder in her blood. Everyone in the room rose their eyebrows in confusion at her new bitchy attitude. This wasn't who Vik was. Then they saw the chains clanking on the floor. The chains that were supposed to hold the entrance. 

She tapped on the door three times and then the whole town of Croatoans came pouring in like a dam. Vik came up to Castiel and knocked him unconscious, leaving him slumped on the couch with Alyssa helplessly stuck in his hold. The last thing he remembered was Alyssa crying and Melissa yelling vigorously. 

…..................................... 

He couldn't've been out for more than a minute and when he came to on the couch with Alyssa crying in his arms. He couldn't believe his eyes. It was horrifying. A couple people were slumped dead on the floor, people were screaming and bleeding and the room smelt like gas from a pipe that was knocked loose. There were three or four Croatoans on each person, digging into their flesh with nails and knifes and other horrifying objects. Cas could even taste the sour, metallic flavor of blood. He darted around the room and laid his eyes on Melissa in the corner, screaming and yelling at the infected toppling over her, trying to get up. 

Cas got up and knocked them on the ground off Melissa and gave her a once over. She was bleeding. A lot. It was coming from her chest with a kitchen knife shoved in it. No, no, no, no, no..... Cas knelt next to her trying to help with his one available hand as Melissa’s eyes were fluttering off in the distance. There were so many, too many and he couldn't save anyone. Damned, he tried, but they just kept coming. Melissa leaned forward with the rest of her strength and whispered in his ear. 

"This is the end for me. You know what you have to do. It's okay, Cas." She pointed her chin towards the gas leak and kissed her baby's forehead as she whispered an 'I love you' before nodding to Castiel, sadly content. She mouthed one more desperate plea to Castiel before letting herself slip away: take care of her. He gave her a one-armed hug and said, "I'll take care of her, I promise. You're going somewhere better." Cas kissed the top of her forehead and nodded to her, tears welling in his eyes that he would not let fall. Melissa nodded with tears in her eyes as well, looking to the sky to take her last breath. 

He hoped that Heaven would take care of her, he would make sure of it. He ran to the doors with Alyssa tucked into his jacket. He shoved through the Croatoans blocking the way without hesitation as he fumbled in his pocket for the box of flame. He grasped the fiery cold steel and fumbled with it until he felt the heat emit next to his thumb with a burning guilt and sorrow. He threw his lit lighter into the building as he sped away, Alyssa tucked away from the consuming heat that Cas felt on his back. The hotel set itself aflame and burst out the windows with a red heat, covering the sky with smoke as he took her away from the dreamy nightmare. 

Castiel ran as far as he could, clutching to Alyssa. She was screaming and squirming in his arms. He didn't know what to do so he just kept running until he saw a local gas station out of town. He had no idea where to go from here. He started by trying to get a ride. That’s a start. Alyssa was all but screaming for comfort that Cas couldn’t give as he searched his pockets. 

He tried his phone again to call Dean for the third time, looking to the Heavens pleading for someone to pick up. Then he heard a phone ringing from a way behind him. He spun around to find that Dean was standing next to Baby holding his phone in his hand, awestruck by relief. They both just stood there for a moment in complete silence except for Alyssa’s cries. 

"What the hell happened?!" Dean yelled throwing his hands wildly, clearly worried. Cas sighed as he relived those past events, their faces swooning around in his head. Castiel started to lightly rock the bunch of blankets and carry on a conversation, trying to ease the situation. For his own sanity. Needless to say, it didn’t help much. 

"They got in. There were so many that I couldn't save them. I tried but it was too late, and I had to run I had to go before they..." Cas rambled on until he looked at the baby in his arms who was staring right back up at him, her face scrunched and bawling. "She's all that's left." Cas trailed of looking at Alyssa. She looked just like her mom. She was still crying but it was more of a whine than a scream. She probably missed her mom. Dean started to get his senses in order and stared at the pink bundle Cas was holding. It was crying and squirming. Wait... 

"What are we gonna do with a kid?" Dean said in a lower voice, but still yelling as it clicked in his head. Cas was tempted to yell back at him and say that he needed to look out for her and to watch his damn tone, but he stayed calm for Alyssa's sake. He was still rocking her hoping to put her to sleep or at least lower her volume, and slowly but surely, it seemed to be doing the trick. 

Dean wanted to hug him and tell him thank God, you're okay. He wanted to tell him how he felt and press against his soft lips. He wanted to relish in him and the fact that he was okay. He had these thoughts a lot when Cas came back from dangerous hunts when he climbed back up from the thin string holding his life. He never was really good with feelings, and he feared that Cas didn't feel like that. Besides, he was a dude, and an Angel. That was a big-ass no for his masculinity and reputation. 

After his mom left, he felt devastated, abandoned. And with Lucifer on the world's ass once again, he just wanted to huddle up with him and tell himself it was going to be okay. He wanted someone to just stay with him, dammit. He wishes he could just be, but hunters don't just "be". They'll get soft and soft isn't a part of the job description. So, as usual, he shoved those feelings down as he started to come into focus to the crying thing in Cas' arms that was slowly calming. 

"There was nothing else I could do. The whole town was infected, there was no one left, and I can’t leave her in case something happens.” He growled, his voice venturing into dangerous territory, and Dean knew it. Instead of arguing further, he scrunched his face like Cas wasn’t speaking the same language. Cas felt Alyssa eventually fall back into a nap now that that Dean had lowered his voice. 

“What do you mean if something happens?” He accused harshly, yet curious. Cas rolled his eyes. It’s been getting rather annoying that Dean had to question his every move. 

“I used some of my grace on her and I need to make sure that she doesn’t have the side effects.” Deans face didn’t change expression, so Cas took that as the time to explain. He didn't blame Dean for not knowing, but he just was in a pissy mood after the ‘long day’. 

“Infants handle Angelic grace differently than others. Their fresh soul is more powerful than a grown one. When I used my grace on her, she might have absorbed some of it and if that happened I can’t leave her with an untamed power like that in a harsh world like this. She’s staying.” Cas said sternly, leaving no room for an argument. There was absolutely no way he was going to abandon her after he promised Melissa he would take care of her. It wasn’t just to look out for symptoms, though. He needed to protect her. He felt the bond he had to her, and he couldn’t leave her. She was special. New, and pure in waves that Cas could feel. He wouldn’t dare leave this child for anything. 

“Fine.” Dean said grudgingly, knowing he couldn’t win. Cas nodded strictly, but really, he was appreciating that he didn’t start a larger conflict. Dean was never the type of guy to go down without a fight, so this is a rare blessing of silence. Dean turned to the Impala and heaved in the driver’s seat. Cas followed by crawling in the passenger side, clutching Alyssa to his body. Dean spun out of the hole-in-the-wall gas stop and set a course for the bunker. 

Since they didn’t have a car seat or anything for Alyssa, so Cas held her for the entire ride. She cried a few times, but she was probably hungry, so they couldn't do much about it. Dean stole glances at the strange sight of an Angel of the Lord holding a baby. It was odd, to say the least. Dean asked about the case when the road was silent, but he didn’t answer, so Dean left it alone. Although he was intrigued, and concerned.


	5. Adventures in "Babysitting"

They drove all night and Dean suggested the cheapest motel nearby, but they had to get a few things for Alyssa first. Cas didn’t know exactly what she needed but he managed to get the necessities after overhearing conversations from Melissa. Blankets, a few bottles with infant formula, some clothes, a car seat, and several other things and they got to the cheap motel room by midnight. Once they figured out how to feed her (which was a surprisingly difficult thing to do), she fell right to sleep.

“What are you gonna do with it?” Dean nervously asked. Cas didn’t know about babies, Dean thought. Did he? He didn’t really get social cues or formalities, and he was a stick up the ass sometimes, not that he meant to be. He was just a brute, loving, sexy asshole. I mean he was an Angel. How could he get it? Sam probably would know what to do when they got back. He was their best shot for now. Chuck knows how much help they would need with this kid.

Dean hadn’t realized he was lost in thought until Cas answered his question.

“It’s not an it. It’s a her. And she can sleep in the car seat for tonight.” He said as he got Alyssa settled. Dean didn’t stay awake much after that and hit the sack for his four hours. Cas didn’t need to sleep so he stayed up with Alyssa. She cried a few times and he fed her, burped her, changed her, and rocked her until she dozed back to sleep again. Dean heard her, but he just didn't want to get up. Besides, he had no idea what to do or what the hell she needed.  _God, this kid's screwed_ , Dean thought. 

Cas was holding Alyssa after another feeding and noticed he felt tired. Well, shit. He actually yawned before he started to feel drowsy. Cas wasn't sure that Alyssa absorbed his grace or if he just needs to recharge. He hoped he was just drained. Alyssa was now sound asleep with her pacifier, so Cas took that as the time to put her down to bed in the car seat. He dozed off in the chair next to her car seat and, well, accidently fell asleep with her.

Dean woke up to find Cas lightly snoring in the chair next to.... Alyssa, was it? Yeah, he’s pretty sure that’s her name. They were both having a siesta together, and Dean almost grabbed his phone to take a picture but thought otherwise. He grabbed the keys, his fake I.D and credit card off the nightstand and snatched up his jacket. But before he left he sat down for a bit and watched Alyssa, and Cas. 

She looked peaceful with her face pouting and her eyes heavy. She was cute with her rosy cheeks and light, fluffy, soft hair floating at her forehead. Her eyelashes framed her face so perfectly, her little lips pouted and stuck out with her pacifier lying to her side, and nose like a little button. Her toes and fingers little and soft, and her herself was just so.... small. Smaller than Dean had ever seen a kid to be. 

Cas shared some similar features to Alyssa, now that he stopped to look. Cas had the same sag in his face when he slept, making him look that much younger. His pink lips pouted too, making them pop out. His hair didn’t have as much of a bed head look as Alyssa’s, but it was a little ragged. It looked soft, and thick. Like feathers. It was the same sort of fluffy that Alyssa had. Dean couldn’t help but let his eyes travel further down. 

He somewhere in the night took off both of his coats, and his tie was loose and crooked. It showed how built and toned Cas really was. Which was something Dean wasn’t prepared for. 

He’d never seen Cas out of his classic trench coat and suit. Even when he was human, he had at least two or three layers, and that was what Dean was used to. Now he could see his wide shoulders, broad chest, strong arms and his taut abdomen through the thinner, cheap fabric of his dress shirt. And  _Fuck_ , he was liking what he was seeing.

His gaze went down his shoulders, biceps, chest, and abdomen to his legs, and in between. Somewhere in the back of his mind is thinking, “What the hell are you doing?” or “you went way past chick flick a long time ago, buddy”, but they all faded out as he took in all of Cas. He liked it. All of it. There was no thought in his head of “Damn, if you had a nice rack, though...” No, this was completely gay.

Dean knew he was breaking his rules and crossing territory lines that were drawn since he was 12, but he was alone right now. No one could fault him for it, so he wouldn’t fault himself. Even though he knew he would when Cas woke up. He’d take a few healthy chugs of whiskey and forget it. Because that’s what a man would do.

He stood up and went next to his bed where he left the bottle and took a few swigs before leaving to get some breakfast and a few more things on Cas’ list of things that Alyssa needed. Diapers, swaddle, sleeper.... He had no idea what the fuck these things were, why they needed them, or how to use them, but he’d manage. If he can hustle four rounds of pool with six shots, he could figure this out.

He found himself in front of a SuperMart with an empty bag of takeout in the passenger seat, and Cas’ crumpled list in his hand written in handwriting that belonged on the Declaration of Independence.

“ _Sonovabitch_ ” He grunted to himself before stepping out and hopefully figure his shit out. He came in to find it nearly empty.  _Wonderful_. He looked around in the aisles completely clueless except for the price tag descriptions. He found diapers, more formula (which ran out faster than they thought), some kind of cloth, and a... Sleeper? That’s when he found himself looking at a ‘muslin swaddle’ that had AC/DC and Led Zeppelin print.  _Finally, some prissy parents with some taste_. _She’ll be raised right._

His next thought gave him a pause.  _Well, that is if she stays around for that long._  He knows that Cas likes the kid, and he can’t blame ‘em. But they were hunters. And not just any hunters. They were Sam and Dean fuckin’ Winchester and Castiel, the Angel of the Lord. They were practically born with arch enemies. She wouldn’t have a normal life or education, and she wouldn’t be safe. 

Besides, how the hell were they gonna raise a kid? This wasn’t a rom-com skit, there was no peachy ending or family photoshoot audience cheering on in the background or a fluffy white light at the end of the tunnel for them. He would agree to look after her for a little, but she couldn’t stay. Not forever.

He came to the register with armfuls of crap, crap, and more crap that he dropped onto the mover. No suspicious looks, that was a win, but the clerk raised an eyebrow at the stuff. She eventually brushed it off and plugged in the numbers without question. Dean thanked her and almost sprinted to the impala, but he restrained himself enough. He hated to admit, but this was honestly embarrassing. 

He shoved all the crap in the back, with the trunk being full, and revved her up. Dean relished in the familiar rum and hum of his Baby. A sense familiar and normal. As he pulled out, he looked back to see the bags he never in a million years would think would be in his car.

“Yep. This is weird.” He sighed before he pulled out and drove back to the motel. He came back to find that they were both still asleep. Dean didn’t really know why Cas needed to sleep, or if he was really smackin' the snooze button or just of in Cas-Land, but he didn’t question it too much. Until he remembered what Cas said. “ _When I used my Grace on her, she might have absorbed some of it.”_

 _Shit..._ What if Alyssa got some of his Angel juice? Well, maybe Cas just needed a break, or maybe he wanted to sleep. Could Angels do that? He didn’t really know how grace worked except for you can remove it, other Angels can absorb it for a Popeye powerup, and it needs permission to enter a body. Everything else about those flying ass monkeys is up to Chuck or just in the wind of Cas’ head. 

Huh. They’ve known Cas for over eight years and neither Sam nor Dean knew half of what Cas really was. Dean bet he had a lot to share, I mean he’s been here since, well, ever. And it’s not like the guy to shy away from his stories. Dean would have to ask Cas about it sometime.

Dean grabbed his and Cas’ duffel and slung them over his shoulder, coming up to Cas until he suddenly felt himself stop. There it was again. That weird feeling like he was gonna spontaneously morph into a teenage girl. Not just that either, the feeling of serenity with Cas’ and the kid. It was like a force field surrounding them. He looked between the two and shook himself before taking Cas’ shoulder and nudging him lightly, lest he startle him and get an ass kicking.

Cas felt the last night slip from him and slip him into dark, cool, sleep. He didn’t remember anything else except Dean snoring then... nothing. Well, not really nothing. He did dream of something, but he couldn’t for the life of him remember what it was. That’s how it was when he was human. Another world of random creation that fuzzed up when he woke up. A few of then he’s had stood out about Dean... but he didn’t remember anything else. He opened his eyes a couple hours later to Dean nudging him awake.

"Up and at ‘em, sunshine." His rough, low voice murmured next to his ear. His eyes fluttered open and saw Dean carrying both the bags on his shoulder, now standing next to the doorway, keys in hand. Cas lifted himself off the chair without thought and grabbed Alyssa, still blissfully lost in sleep. It was amazing how much babies slept. She was adorable when she was sleeping. Once again, Cas found it funny that he started to pick up on the new word more often.

"Ready to go?" Dean grinned. Cas shared Dean's sentiment and nodded towards the door. He was glad to see Dean was in a much better mood today. He just seemed more relaxed, even with the whiskey he could smell in his breath, it didn’t seem to be consumed from dire stress or agony. They made it out to the parking lot to find Baby shining bright in the sun, as Dean likes to keep her pristine and clean. They strapped in Alyssa and themselves without a word, and off they went.

 The drive back was more mellow than last night's drive. Alyssa was sleeping peacefully in the back (with Cas checking on her every once and a while), Dean and Cas were listening to some Led Zeppelin, and the road was quiet and still. The silence wasn’t broken, but it was comfortable. Dean was enjoying his bacon cheeseburger and Cas was observing the passing view with “Hey, Hey, What Can I Do” playing in the back ground. Even with a few stops along the way, they still got to the bunker by two.


	6. Supernaturally Normal

Cas got Alyssa out of the impala and Dean packed in Alyssa’s stuff with his inside duffel. When they headed in, they weren't expecting to see Sam sitting in the library, back on the lore and research for the third week in a row. It looked like he hadn’t slept or ate as much as usual, and he was eating junk food. This would’ve been second nature for Dean, but for Sam, it was one of the farthest things from normal. He looked up for a moment and droned on a 'hey' and went back to his tedious reading until he heard Alyssa rustle with a soft coo.

"I thought you still had a case in Spokane!" Dean riled with confusion, but still happy to see him. Sam raised his eyebrow and slowly walked over to Cas holding the car seat where Alyssa was, not even processing Dean’s presence anymore. Hs eyes widened a fraction and his eyebrows stitched together, giving one of the classic Sam faces true glory. "Yeah, I did. Finished it up yesterday." Sam said softly as words slipped from his reach, completely distracted by the mysterious car seat as his voice trailed back into his throat.

"What the hell is that?" He asked with immense confusion, pointing to Alyssa. Cas looked at Sam anxiously, hoping to come up with an answer. He didn’t want to deal with another argument right now, or namely ever. He didn't want to have another debate telling another stubborn Winchester she was staying in the bunker. Believe it or not, Cas was actually tired. Not just sleepy, he was… exhausted.

 Instead of yelling or even saying anything, Sam leaned down to Alyssa's view and smiled at her. And she smiled back.  _Oh, thank God,_ Cas thought to himself. Though he knew that his Father had nothing to do with this.

"Where'd you get her?" Sam asked happily, but still confused. Cas flinched internally at the question, his head flooding with images he’d rather not see ever again. The Croatoans swarming the building, Melissa with the end of a knife sticking from her torso, the hotel bursting into flames with everyone else in it. With everything that’s been happening, it felt like the right decision to leave most of that out of the story. He’d tell both Winchesters eventually, but not today. Not now.

"Croatoan case left her with me. I need to keep an eye on her until we can figure things out." Cas sighed.  _Please let her stay, please let her stay..._  Sam pursed his lips and nodded. 

"Cool. What's her name?" He chided as he picked her up out of the car seat, not completely listening to Castiel. Cas was surprised to say the absolute least about how calm he was with this whole ordeal, but it was an immense relief. Sam slid her out and held her in one arm and grinning alike to a child himself. She put her hands up and made a grabbing motion at his hair, which made Sam chuckle.

"Her name's Alyssa. One month old." Cas almost bragged, and unknown sense of pride swelling in his chest. Sam let Alyssa grab his finger and she laughed when Sam flaunted his wavy locks, letting it “flow with the colors of the wind”, as Dean had said before. This may have been the only time when Sam’s hair was on the subject line and Dean didn’t roast it.

Speaking of which, Dean was standing in the corner rolling his eyes and trying to catch up, keeping a healthy distance from the young infant. He wasn't into kids. It just wasn't his thing. They were fine, but that wasn't who Dean was. He was a hunter. A hunter with no mushy mooey gooey moments to make him soft. Sam was always more of a charmer anyway. But it still doesn't explain his expert handling of babies.

"When'd you get so good with kids?" Dean questioned. Sam rolled his eyes over to him expecting him to get an answer. He just widened his eyes and threw his hands up in a 'what?' Gesture. Sam rolled his eyes and answered the obvious.

"I wasn’t always a hunter, Dean. I used to have a normal life. Jess would invite her family over on weekends and they would bring their kids a lot." He said with a note of sadness. He brushed it off before Dean could pick up on it and looked back down at Alyssa, now grinning at her. 

Dean opened his mouth as if to say something but shut it after pressing his lips out and raising his eyebrows for a second. They almost forgot about Jessica. Sam's forever ago life in California with a girl and a future. They haven't told Cas about it, but they assumed he knew. With being an Angel of the Lord and all. Cas hated to break up the moment, but they had some more adjustments to make.

"Where is she going to sleep?" Cas threw out, whom was now leaning back on the table and looking at Alyssa. Sam straightened his face and looked up to Cas, agreeing with his change of subject.

"Yeah, we need more stuff. If she's staying with us, she's gonna need a lot more than what we have." He looked between the two for a solution, but they kept their lips latched. Since no one gave any options, Sam was going with his plan. He then came up to another train of thought that Dean would shoot him for, but he’d never see it coming. Now he had more than one as the new idea popped in his head.

"I'll call Jody to help us out." Sam said handing Alyssa to Dean. He put his hands up and shot Sam a questioning but stern look, as if on guard.

"I don't do kids." He chuckled half-heartedly whilst staring daggers into Sam and Cas furiously trying to back out of it. Sam rolled his eyes and slowly put Alyssa in his arms. He didn’t want to take her, but he didn’t really have another option at this point. His shoulders were tense, and his stance was stiff as he was frozen in place, not wanting to upset her.  _Of course, it worked,_  Sam thought to himself proudly.

She made little noises at him and grabbed at Dean’s necklace. He didn't budge for a good minute or two until she gave Dean a bright-eyed smile with a high giggle when he rolled his eyes and blew his lips, giving Sam an Oscar worthy bitchface. He finally started to smile back and let her play with the necklace a little and unconsciously started to rock her the smallest bit.

“There you go.” Sam said dramatically as he left the room to go call Jody, much to Dean’s annoyance. He wished Dean wasn't so stubborn all the damn time and let himself be. It was annoying. Especially where Cas was involved. He understood that the life of hunting couldn't really hire the delicate, but Dean was cold. He didn't let affection show, so he sort of lost the capability to have the feeling at all. Maybe this would give Dean the chance to lighten up a bit on himself and the rest of the world.

Sam snatched his phone from the table and dialed Jody. It’s been a long time since they've seen her, so this was a good opportunity to catch up. They also don't really know what they’re doing and Jody's one of their only friends that has had personal experiences. He heard the dial tone about four times when someone picked up mid ring.

“What’s up, Winchester? It’s been forever!” She chirped, happy to hear from him. Sam loved the sound and tone of her voice. Even as a hunter, she had some spunk and kindness. No one else was like Jody. 

“Well, we actually have an issue back here, so I was wondering if you could drop by.” Sam said nervously and excitedly. 

“Well, Claire is on a case in Modesto and Alex is still at school, so I bet I could drop by. Sure, what is it?” Jody asked, hoping it wasn’t another end of the world situation, noticing Sam’s tone.  _This is gonna be a wild ride of a conversation_ , they both thought _._

 “Well... Her name is Alyssa, she’s about a month old and we have no idea what we're doing. You up for it?” Sam let the question hang in the air over the dead silence on the other line. It took a few moments for Jody to respond until Sam could hear her starting a car.

"Okay. I'm on my way. And Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"You better tell me the story when I get there." Jody beamed. Sam chuckled and shook his head. Instead of questioning him or going off, Jody was off on her way here. Once again, no one was like Jody.

"Of course, we will. You'll get the full movie deal with it." Jody gave a sarcastic laugh at that as Sam could hear her pull onto the road.

 They talked about the plan for the situation, said their goodbyes and Jody said she'd be there in a few hours. Sam walked back in to where Dean was, and he heard Alyssa cry. He became a little concerned and picked up his pace but then he saw Dean grab a premade bottle from Cas and she piped down. Sam came into the room and shot Dean an 'I told you so' look. It's already working.  _1 point for Alyssa._

"What?" Dean said shrugging his shoulders, suddenly defensive of his actions. Sam spread a stupid smile on his face and Cas grinned along with him. Dean rolled his eyes as he felt Alyssa growing tired. No, no he refused to go soft right now. That wasn't who he was. He had a job to do... She was cute though, he'd admit. To no one else, though. God, what the hell was happening to him?

He put Alyssa back in the car seat and went back to his room to drink, listen to music, or both. Probably both. Though no one else could see it, Dean was flushing white from the small interaction between him and Alyssa.

 They mostly just waited around until Jody arrived, caring for Alyssa when she was awake and reading up on lore. After a few shots and some classic rock Dean came out to the light and ended up boring into the books along with Cas and Sammy.  Even though it was taxing and boring as hell, it wasn’t all that bad. They drank beer, Dean screwed around with Sam, much to his annoyance, and even had a couple laughs. Everything felt lighter now that Jody was stopping by.

 Finally, they heard Jody's truck outside. Sam stayed inside to keep an eye on Alyssa while Dean and Cas went outside to meet up with Jody. She hasn't met Cas yet and Dean said this would be a good time to introduce each other without an apocalypse looming over their heads. Cas agreed. He was hesitant, but both Winchesters assured that he was gonna be fine. They found her digging in the trunk full of junk when she noticed the two standing behind her.

“Dean!” she yelled as she brought him in for a hug after jumping down, letting it linger with friendly hello's and pats on the back. When she came back from the embrace she found Cas standing behind Dean, hands sunk into his pockets. 

“Who’s this?” Jody asked eagerly. Cas smiled at her enthusiasm and gave a small wave.

“Jody, this is Castiel. Cas, meet Jody.” Dean said before taking a theatrical bow with a large wave of his hand. Jody didn’t say anything for a second, sitting there stunned and impressed. Instead of pushing dialogue, Dean let Jody process the situation for a minute before she finally sighed out.

“Wow. So, this is Castiel. No shit Angel.” She sat in awe. "Huh." Cas nodded bashfully, and Jody came in to hug him as well, and surprisingly, Cas hugged back. He liked her, her personality was so lighthearted whenever she could be, not to mention her enthusiastic spring. No wonder the Winchesters liked her. They sat there for a few seconds before Jody released him and climbed into the trunk bed, squeezing through the gaps. Cas sat in the background and hanging his hands in his pockets and letting Dean and Jody catch up, watching their interaction with content fascination.

“What is all this stuff?” Dean grunted as he climbed on the tailgate, looking at the tarps and boards, concentrated bewilderment masking his face. Jody tried to snag her way through all the crap piled up in the trunk one last time but failed with a questionable snap of the material. So, she settled for sitting on the rim.

“Stuff for Alyssa. I went out and picked up a few things. I wouldn’t think that your place would have baby crap.” She huffed, brushing off a piece of furniture. It was like she read their minds. Dean looked back to Cas, who was still a ways back from them, and gave a questioning look. Cas just returned a light shrug and a smile. It always brightened the rest of Dean’s universe to see Cas smile. The world felt happier, better. Before he could get ahead of himself, Dean found it to shoo away his thoughts and get back on track.

  Jody suggested that Sam come out and help them move the stuff inside. In her own words, ‘it’s gonna be a long project’. Since Alyssa was sleeping for now Sam was happy to help. Jody got a crib, a table, and multiple other smaller things that the boys had no idea what to do with. Sam hauled in some boards and Cas got everything else in arms reach thanks to his Angel strength with Dean and Jody taking what was left.

Dean at one point grunted out, "Do kids really need all of this shit? I mean, all of it?" Sam and Jody both rolled their eyes and Cas told him to shut up and grab the other end while still grinning at his terrible question. 

When Jody put her load down, she found herself in front of the car seat Alyssa was in. She bent down and saw her dazed in a nap with her pacifier. She was wearing a fuzzy yellow onesie and covered by a pink and green quilt, the light lifts of her chest lulling herself to rest. Jody knelt and rubbed her foot a little as she started to open her eyes to look at Jody with small, bright blue eyes that Dean couldn't help noticing looked like Castiel's. Her hair was the same color too, he realized now that he looked at it.

"Awww, look at you sweetie." She said with a radiant smile, the boys in the corner smiling as well. That's something they did a lot since Alyssa showed up. It was an odd situation, the Winchesters had to admit, but it sort of just... went.  It just felt natural to foster her until they figured everything out. Things were actually calm in the bunker tonight because of her. It was nice.

 Jody pulled her up in her arms and got out a toy from a bag she had on her shoulder for her to hold. She took it gladly and Jody shook it around. She rocked her around, and Alyssa growled and giggled right back.

"I think she likes you." Sam chuckled, knowing that Jody was far too well occupied to respond. She was using her light voice and tickling her feet as Alyssa squirmed and giggled, her binky falling to the side. Jody stood smiling at her with amazed adoration, forgetting the rest of the world for a minute before remembering her question that was pressing on her the whole trip here. 

"How’d you get her?” Jody asked letting Alyssa grip her finger. Cas took a deep pained breath as he remembered her mother holding her like that. He hoped she was in Heaven, at peace. It was on odd desire, to aske a mother to be content while their child is without their supervision, their presence; their love. He felt a sinking knot of pain for all of those passed parents who have their children living alone on Earth. 

“She was an only survivor on a case I was on and I promised her mother I would take care of her.” Cas said grimly, locking his blue eyes with Alyssa’s as Dean raised his eyebrows.  _A promise?_

Jody felt an ache in her heart knowing similar situations in her life with her little boy Owen. She never had the chance to see him grow up, to raise him to the world. She forced those aside and looked down at the child looking over to Castiel. She was a survivor. She was going to make it. She could make a difference. Lucky little girl.

“Well, aren’t you a special little lady, huh?” Jody said shaking Alyssa’s hand to keep her own voice from shaking, who was now completely distracted by the man standing to her side. She saw how Alyssa looked at Castiel, and how he looked at her. She was bonded to him, she could tell, being a mother herself. She had no idea why, but Alyssa was drawn to him in a way.  An angel and a baby. It couldn’t’ve made less sense to her, but she was sure she'd figure it out, eventually. There was no telling with these boys.

“Do you wanna take her?” Jody asked Cas, who was solely focused on Alyssa’s face until he blinked out of his trance to look back towards Jody. Sam and Dean both shot each other nervous looks as they saw Jody gesturing Alyssa toward the Angel. Neither of them thought he would fully understand how to deal with her, given his past. It’d be an awkward, confusing shit show for everyone to put those two together. Sam almost took her when Cas reached out his arms. 

Jody switched her over and Alyssa immediately smiled at Castiel, a look of wonder twinkling in her irises. They kept their eyes on each other like glue. She smiled, and he smiled back. The world might as well have disappeared to them, because it wasn’t even a part of their perception anymore. Minutes passed with Cas and Alyssa just mingling. Cas even showed his pearly teeth and crow feet under his eyes when Alyssa managed to grab hold of Alyssa’s tie. This... this might have been the happiest the Winchesters have ever seen the Angel in probably his entire existence. Cas didn’t even notice the looks of surprise from the brothers. Guess he's not as bad with kids as they thought.

When Dean and Cas stayed in that motel Dean just slept through her crying until it stopped. He assumed she just fell back asleep, but now that he remembers it, he could hear Cas shaking the bottle and walking around whenever she cried. Sam had no idea that Cas could act this… Well, human. Cas was a good guy, he really was. But he could be cold sometimes without meaning it, so babies seemed a little far-fetched for Cas in their view. Guess they were wrong.

Cas swayed with her in content tranquility, only pausing to take a look at Dean, who was completely taken aback at the moment. She grabbed onto his tie once more when she started to cry. Jody sprang up and went over to where she saw her bottles and formula. Again, the boys thought Cas would go tense and hand her over, but he just kept rocking her calmly until Jody gave him a bottle, as calm as can be. She ate and drifted off in Castiel’s arms as he slowly put her back in the car seat, Alyssa already snoozing by the time she was settled in.

“We should get to work.” Jody said patting the boards leaning on the couch, snapping all three of them back to Earth. The boys shook themselves out of their shock and awe to gather around Jody who was holding a large crinkled paper in her hand. It was for the crib, with other papers and sheets matted behind it.  _Oh, boy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FORGIVE MY ABSENCE, FOR I HAVE THE SHIT TO DO!!!!!!!!! I know I haven't posted in a very long time, but I'm really trying to get back on it. A lot of intense shit has gone down recently, and it's taken me a while to put myself back together. Many more chapters to come, I'm hoping to add another oneshot onto Destiel holidays for birthdays, and I have NOT forgotten about My Fallen Angel. I hope you enjoy and feel free to leave comments about my work(s), or just about anything!


	7. Settling In

Three frustrating hours later that got everything set up in one of the extra Men of Letters rooms. They got all the old crap out, built all of Alyssa’s crap, and shoved it in. It wasn’t luxurious, but it wasn’t all that bad, really. She had somewhere to sleep, and a corner for her stuff. Dean purposefully held off Castiel’s questions for the arrangement of the room, knowing well himself it didn’t look to be as high quality as usual. Either way, they did a good job with what they had, and Alyssa was still asleep by the time they were done. 

 

Working with the boys for three hours, Jody picked up on a few things. Mainly Dean and Castiel. There would be times when they were oddly close to each other, and they both would back up awkwardly where Cas would step to the opposite side of the room and Dean would roll his eyes with annoyance that Jody could see straight through as desperation. It was this bubble of angst surrounding the two that got stronger the closer they were to each other. 

 

Sam rolled his eyes and brushed off the sexual tension as usual and Dean and Cas pretended nothing ever happened. It was always the little things, the smallest things with them that led them up the edge, and as Jody had been slyly informed by Sam, they’ve been playing these idiotic games for years. 

 

Jody saw their little game and it clicked in her mind what was going on. She thought it was cute. Must be a nightmare for Sam, but it was annoyingly cute. Dean said they’d been “friends” for about a decade now, and it was amazingly sad how long he’s kept his head in his ass. If it wasn’t so disappointingly dumb, it would be impressive. 

 

“Well, that took forever.” Sam admitted when they headed back to the war room. Everyone else sat down and Dean went back to the kitchen, coming back with a pack of beer. He cracked one open and took a chug before handing one to Jody and Sam while Cas was sitting in a chair next to the war room table where Alyssa was sleeping in the car seat. 

 

“Y’know, that didn’t take as long as I thought it would.” Jody said, looking back to the room that was now Alyssa’s with a gulp of a generic brew the boys found from another hunter awhile back. 

 

“You know that took us three hours, right?” Dean asked sarcastically, gesturing with the stem of his bottle. 

 

“You kidding? That was nothing.” Jody huffed, smirk preyed on the corner of her lips “It took us all day to put up Owen’s nursery. Sean even had a few injuries from trying to put it together.” Jody faded out, now sitting in silence flashing through her memories. Sam and Dean both put their heads down for a moment, giving Jody a minute. Cas sat there confused but didn’t ask about it until Jody sat up straighter and took another sip of alcohol to shove her tears back down. 

 

“Who are Owen and Sean?” Cas asked softly, looking at Jody with empathy. Jody didn’t budge for a moment, simmering in her thoughts until she met Castiel’s gaze with a surprising sobriety. 

 

“Sean and Owen Mills were my family. My husband and my son.” She almost whispered, a grave grey look in her eyes, which Cas met with his own. Sam and Dean were looking up now, nervously intrigued by the transaction. Cas thought for a moment and stared off into the distance, not exactly on their plane of existence, not that anyone could tell. They all waited for the mysterious response from him as his ey7es searched through the abyss. He paused for a moment before opening his eyes and turning back to Jody, expression cleansed by something Jody couldn’t identify. 

 

“Sean and Owen Mills. Sioux Falls, North Dakota, US Earth.” Cas listed off, as if reading it from memory. “Their Heaven is nice. It’s full of memories with you, I can see. It’s very colorful with a lot of water balloons. I could most certainly count it as a favorite version.” Cas smiled, not even looking back to Jody, who had a tear slip down her cheek that she quickly wiped away before any of them could take concern. 

 

“How did you know that?” Jody laughed, still looking back on her memories. They would always have water balloon fights in the back yard. Every weekend. Cas finally turned to her again, wisely eager about her reaction. He could tell that she was happy with what she heard. 

 

“It’s a simple connection from a blood relative and looking into the bloodline. I can easily make see through to certain places in heaven with the right information.” He read like a dictionary definition. They all just stared at Castiel, not saying a word until Sam looked wide eyes at Cas, his head snapping with the indication of a rather surprising idea. 

 

“Can you see Bobby?” Sam leaned in more seriously, but still thrilled, nonetheless , and Cas nodded. Dean rolled his eyes and he was just about to leave when Cas answered with a chuckle. 

 

“Mass quantities of Jameson and pies with his wife, Karen Singer. They still remember you, and even have a framed picture of you that reads ‘damn ijits’. He’s happy, Sam.” Cas smiled to Sam, who was now laughing along with Jody shaking her head. 

 

“Yeah, I bet he’s got a secret stash of Jack Daniels, too.” Sam sighed, getting up for another beer. Dean didn’t move for a moment, just staring at Cas. When he tilted his head up at him in the way he does, Dean snapped his head around and followed Sam into the kitchen for a beer. Or most likely, something stronger. 

 

He was fine before. Bobby died a long time ago, and he’d made peace with that. But now that wound was peeled fresh. But now he knew that Bobby had a better end. That he was really happy. It was sad and nice at the same time and Dean really sucked at dealing with emotions. What the hell was he supposed to do with that sentimental dump truck? It was just- you know what? No. Not today. Not ever, not dealing with this bullshit. The one thing he knew about feelings was that if you had the right medicine, you could make ‘em fall asleep. And that’s exactly what he planned to do. 

 

Dean grabbed the glass bottle of amber medicine and came back out to find Cas and Jody talking, Cas feeding Alyssa in his lap. He knew they’d get along. Bet they’d watch chick flicks together, Dean thought. 

 

He came back to his spot across from Cas, hoping to catch up on what those two could possibly be talking about as Cas rocked Alyssa. 

 

“Yeah, she’s doing really well with ‘em.” Jody noted to herself, nodding to Castiel. The conversation seemed domestic enough, so Dean didn’t think it would be an issue to ask in. 

 

“You guys mind enlightening me?” Dean asked with a sip of whiskey, thankful for the distraction. 

 

“We were just talking about Donna and her boyfriend.” Jody answered with a smile at Dean’s frazzled expression. 

 

“Boyfriend?” Dean asked as he leaned in, pointing to Jody for an explanation. It was about time that Donna got someone who treated her right. Dean’s seen a couple of assholes walk into her life and use her kindness, and it was sickening. After meeting her, Dean had instantly taken a kind to her. And she was a pretty good vamp hunter, too, he’d admit. That woman is a full on badass. 

 

“Yeah, David has been with her for about 11 months now. They’re hunters together, scavenging for cases as dates. That’s actually how they met. Sheriffs by day, monster killers by night, as they put it. I didn’t buy his crap at first, but after knowing him for a bit, he’s like a teddy bear. A badass, vampire hacking, teddy bear.” She admitted with a shrug and a smile. 

 

“I didn’t think that dating a hunter would really work out.” Dean pouted out his lips for a second before finishing off the rest of his whiskey, letting the cold burn his breath. He tried to push the real thought in his head back down with his drink, but it kept slipping through. 

 

“And you think it’d be better with a civilian?” Jody raised her eyebrow in mocking sarcasm, knowing she was right. Dean agreed, as it would be a pain in the ass to have a partner back at home with a white picket fence while you went off blowing silver bullets or blasting salt. Dean hadn’t “dated” a hunter, but he’d slept with a few, and it seemed easier with them. 

 

“’Bout time she found someone who treats her like she should be.” Dean smirked to himself as he got up to grab another drink when he saw Cas carry Alyssa out of the room, patting her back as she cooed. It was weird as hell to see him with a kid, let alone a baby. A feeling he didn’t know bloomed in his core, and it made him feel sick to his stomach. But he brushed it off before he could think too hard about it, burying his question of sexuality again. 

 

They sat around for a while talking on and on while watching Netflix. Alyssa needed another feeding and probably a change, so Cas had to leave momentarily, slipping past them without notice. He came back with three more beers and they started a shitty horror flick. It was a long argument with Sam and Dean over which horror film murderer was best, but eventually they put it to rest at tie between Michael Myers and Jason, settling for a generic rip-off of a “Stephen King suck-up”, as Jody put it. 

 

Cas laughed at a few of the jokes but pointed out some inaccuracies in the movie's perception of souls and the biblical apocalypse, as he was prone to do, which Jody actually enjoyed. By the time the last few scenes rolled around, Sam was snoring obnoxiously on the couch next to Dean. He knew that Sam hadn’t been doing so hot in the past few weeks, so he left him to snooze as he helped Jody snatch up the rest of the beer bottle fortress. 

 

The credits rolled on the movie and Jody told them to call if they needed anything as she got in her pickup to drive back home to the girls. But not before bursting Cas and Dean's little bubble. It was funny, but she could see it was really getting on Sam's nerves. She could admit, it was even getting to her too. Cas was saying his farewell outside her pickup when Jody whispered to him out the window. 

 

“You’re really good for Dean. I think he’s good for you too. Don’t let that go.” Jody winked to him as she pulled out of the driveway. Cas came back stunned but he waved as she drove off. He just sat there completely bewildered, not even taking a thought to breathe (not that he needed to). He knew he had certain... emotions, towards Dean, but it wracked Castiel’s logic that Jody even got a hint to that. This seems to be happening a lot lately, Cas thought to himself with no resolution. Out of all the things that Castiel has endured over the millennia, this was a problem in his head he had almost no understanding of, and it frustrated him. Even more, it made him anxious. 

 

Cas went back inside and passed Dean and Sam without flinching. He couldn't think. All he could do was think. Think about Dean. It just didn’t make sense... Sam and Dean both raised an eyebrow but brushed it off, too buzzed and drained to care at the time. 

 

“You know about what happened to Cas back in Madison?” Sam asked suddenly, chugging the last of his sixth beer of the night. It was late though, almost 1 a.m. 

 

“He didn’t tell me much.” Dean replied staring blankly in the distance, giving a shrug. “I could tell it wracked 'em, though.” 

 

Sam nodded solemnly as he tilted his head towards Cas’ room, right next to what was now Alyssa’s. Cas was in her room at the moment, doing Chuck knows what in there. What the Hell those two had doing on, Sam had no idea. He never would have guessed that Cas would be one to get along with a baby. 

 

“What?” Dean asked, looking in the direction Sam was for an answer. 

 

“Nothing, it’s just… How the hell did Cas do that? With Alyssa?” He said, chuckling at the thought 

 

Dean took a minute to respond. He didn’t really think about it until now. He avoided it until now. He couldn’t help but think about it, though. 

 

“He said he made a promise. You heard that, right?” Dean asked looking back up to Sam. 

 

“Yeah. What is it?” 

 

Dean sighed and shook his head. Something about that night... It took a piece of Cas that they didn’t know existed. Something that Cas had never experienced before. Sam and Dean haven’t felt that despair before, now that eh come to think of it. The whole thing was all a big mystery, only up to Castiel and that kid. 

 

“When I found him that night with Alyssa… He didn’t look good, Sam. I mean, he looked like he was going to pass out or even hurl. Cas has been scared, scarred, tortured, and probably worse, and that was a whole new level for ‘em. I dunno, this is just different.” Dean retorted, leaning back in his chair, thinking. He remembered when he saw Cas running towards the gas stop, going as fast as his legs would move with Alyssa tucked into his chest. He was pale, and his eyes were desperate for something he didn’t know. 

 

It was a look of agony Cas had never shown on his face before, and it unnerved Dean. Either way, Cas was in survival mode, the only thing on his mind the screaming child in his arms, until he saw Dean standing next to Baby after going in to investigate the area. He was no shit worried about Cas’ call, so of course he stepped on it from his own case in Kentucky at the time. He stopped at a gas station to try to check back with Cas and, lo and behold, there he was. 

 

“Yeah, Cas had been a bit off since you guys came back. I don’t know about a promise, though. He didn’t bring it up. He didn’t bring anything up.” Sam was now looking down at the table, his thinking face in full effect. Dean could read all of Sam’s facial expressions like the back of his hand, and this one had a touch of sadness. 

 

“You think that Cas seems.... Different?” Sam whispered, choosing his words with care. Dean just shrugged nonthematically, but he was really thinking about all the little things he noticed about Cas. He’s never been silenced like that. Sure, he wasn’t much of a babbler, but he didn’t breathe a word the rest of that night. It was a look in his eye. A look of pain, sorrow and grief. A look that let Dean know that he’d seen some rough shit. But there was a fleck of determination in his eye, an oath of duty. So, yes, Dean knew that Cas was different. And he might never be the same, for better or worse. 

 

After a moment of silence, Sam thought it best to leave the conversation there, simmering in the thick stillness in the room. With another sip of beer, Dean set down his empty glass and leaned up in his chair. 

 

“Well, I’m beat. I’m gonna hit the sack.” Dean sighed as he slapped his palms on the table to hoist himself up, dragging himself down the hall. “Night bitch!” He yelled before closing his door. Just before he shut it, he could hear his brother’s response. 

 

“Night, jerk!” 

 

Dean was out for a few hours until they heard Alyssa scream across the hall, whining for attention. He walked down to where she was sleeping and found Sam peeking in the doorway. Confused, Dean tapped him on the shoulder to see what he was doing and what the hell she was crying about. He just motioned for Dean to come closer and pointed in the room. Intrigued, confused, and slightly annoyed, Dean leaned in and saw Cas rocking Alyssa shaking some water and formula in a bottle, swaying with her around the room. 

 

He was singing the theme song to a dumb 80's show he remembered Cas watching. He tested the bottle with his finger and offered it to her, holding it up to her mouth. She refused with a cranky whine, so Castiel just rocked her and held her tight to his body singing that song. It wasn't in his usual growly tone either. It was quiet and soft, a foreign sense to their ears. 

 

Look at what's happened to me, I can't believe it myself 

 

Suddenly I'm up on top of the world, it should've been somebody else 

 

Believe it or not, I'm walking on air 

 

I never thought I could feel so free... 

 

Flying away, on a wing and a prayer, who could it be... 

 

Believe it or not it's just me, 

 

Alyssa took the bottle and drank as she calmed down and looked at Castiel, her eyes starting to grow heavier. He was walking around the room in circles slowly and rocking her back and forth. He was still singing that song when Alyssa took the offering as he held her tight. 

 

Just like the light of a new day, you hit me from out of the blue... 

 

Cas sang soflty as he gave her a smile thinking of how she came to be with them. He wiggled her nose, propping the bottle up as he laughed at the last verse saying that she 'hit them from out of the blue'. Which she truly did. A ping of sadness shone through Cas' expression, but he brushed it off when Alyssa giggled again. 

 

Breaking me out of the spell I was in, making all of my wishes come true... 

 

Believe it or not, I'm walking on air, I never thought I could feel so free 

 

Flying away on a wing and a prayer, who could it be 

 

Believe it or not it's just me, believe it or not it's just me... 

 

And just like that, the bottle was falling out of her mouth and she was asleep. Cas put the bottle on a table and switched it out for a pacifier, which she took without notice as he hummed. He rocked her all the way to the crib and set her down to bed. She didn't shift or squirm or cry, she just put her arms up and let the pacifier slowly fall out of her mouth. Cas took a seat next to her and grabbed a lore book he found in the bunker about some ancient monster he’d drone on and on about the next morning and settled himself down. 

 

Dean looked at Sam with his mouth gaping open and a 'holy shit' mouthed to him. Sam just nodded vigorously and mouthed back 'I know' with a goofy smile on his face. Their eyes could have fallen out of their sockets with how wide they were. It was unbelievable. Yet, there it was. They both stood there watching him before sneaking back to their rooms and hoped Cas didn't notice, but he was too busy with himself and Alyssa to care. 

 

Dean had trouble sleeping that night, more than usual. From shock at finding Cas like that with Alyssa, and what it did to him. He felt… new things. No matter how hard he tried to ignore it or chalk up some shitty explanation, he could feel it in his gut. He could feel the raw emotions, the need for him. Before he could barely manage but now it was overwhelming his masculinity and he hated himself for it. It made him shamefully sick to think of how far he’d fallen for this. He didn’t know why his brain made him feel these pitiful things, but he told himself he didn’t care as he took a chug from his secret stash of forget it formula. He shut his eyes after a few shots of hopeful memory loss and drifted into a restless black. 

 

The next morning Sam and Dean woke up to find Cas on the couch watching some documentary about the Presidents that he seemed to be enjoying, holding Alyssa to his side with her stuff scattered across the area. Both Sam and Dean stared at Cas for longer than they should’ve, completely lost on what to think. Cas didn’t notice, but Sam and Dean were sure that he would if they didn’t get a grip. 

 

They wanted to talk to Cas about last night but had no idea how. Sam was taken by complete surprise and Dean... Well, Dean didn't know what to think. He had a complete new set of feelings for him and on top of the ones he already had he wasn't sure he could deal with himself. He felt tender after he saw Cas that night. He felt soft and loving. Which wasn't supposed to happen, it wasn't a real thing in his life. Only a thought in those mystic dreams he had when his hopes were way too high. It’s never really happened until now. Until he could deal with it, he pretended it never happened. He told himself nothing happened. And with some bullets, bacon and booze, he’d believe it. Shake it off, Winchester.... 

 

He's never really felt like this before. He's had some experiences with the slight feeling in the back of his mind with a couple actual relationships he allowed himself to have, but never like this. He was a hunter, and hunters didn't go soft. They stayed on guard and didn't let a sexy Angel and a baby change that. He was a man, god damnit, a man. None of this nonsense should even matter in his head, it should be forgotten by now. He was a badass hunter that liked little women and strong alcohol, and he had a job to do. Nothing was going to be put in front of catching Lucifer. No matter what. That’s what he told himself.


	8. Got 'Em

They’ve been looking for weeks for any location to Lucifer but found nothing except for the destruction he left behind. He was hard to pin down, even from the constant leads. Usually, there would be a pattern to the bad guys, but this was just random. No order, just demolition. The one thing more dangerous than a righteous man is a broken one. 

 

After Cas came back, Sam has been spending his days in the archives, spending day and night looking through countless files while Dean kept up on the news for new cases. There was nothing for a couple days, so Dean took that as the time to get some well needed time off, chugging bourbon and watching all the westerns ever made in the history of the universe with endless piles of dusty books. 

 

Maybe he could retire someday, when Lucifer is taken care of and maybe, no monsters. Crowley has even mentioned closing up Hell, and Heaven is losing interest in the Winchesters day by day. Somehow, he’ll make sure the Supernatural doesn’t exist. No more demons, rouge Angels, monsters, or anything. Just ice-cold beers, a beach that reaches the horizon, and a pure, peaceful ocean as far as the eye could see. Someday, he’d get his paradise, even if he’d have to die for it. But for now, it was a mass search of cases for an insane Archangel torture mastermind. Wonderful, Dean thought to himself as he hit play on his Netflix for “Ridiculous 6”. 

 

Cas was usually holed up in the library, as was his routine of reading, and Dean just stayed inside, not really doing anything else but thinking and reading up on absolutely all of the lore with any sort of mention of Angels. Other than that, he mostly daydreamed about what the world would be like without monsters, what he’d do, who he’d be with. He mostly shook the last thought, but he enjoyed the idea of retirement. Sam would have some rug rats biting at his ankles and they’d all go to football games and movie nights, like normal people would. Maybe Cas would even enjoy it. 

 

The third morning of having Alyssa as a bunk buddy, Dean woke up to find Cas taking a nap with her on the sofa, both of their chests rising and falling together in the late morning. From what Dean could tell from making frequent stops in the kitchen last night, Cas was up with Alyssa all night. Without disturbance, Dean managed to sneak in and grab a leftover donut and coffee from the kitchen, telling Sam on his way back to his room. He looked surprised, but not entirely shocked as before. If there was anything for the younger Winchester to notice over the last three days, it was how Cas doted on that little girl. He was still completely puzzled on the whole relationship, but he accepted it as a part of their lives. 

 

It was about an hour or so until Cas strode into the hallway on his way to the archives, awake as ever. He looked overall the same except for the missing trench coat, suit jacket and tie, which caught Dean off guard more than it should’ve. 

 

“Had fun last night, sleepin’ beauty?” Dean asked lowly, looking Cas up and down with his eyebrow tilted to his forehead. He was currently leaning on the outside frame of his door, arms crossed in a masculine gesture, and Cas just gave him a look of intense confusion. 

 

“What are you talking about?” He questioned in his gravely tone, his facial features molding to his classic portrayals of his thoughts. Cas investigated Dean’s facial expression and posture, anything that would give him a clue, and it (for some strange reason) made Dean stand up straighter. As if he was being judged of worth, or potential, power. It always made Dean feel odd when he and Cas had their unspoken staring sessions. 

 

“Saw you zonked out on the couch this mornin’. You up with the rug rat?” Dean started to sink back into his place on the wall, feeling more comfortable. At that question, Cas actually smiled. It was a rare occasion when Cas smiled. This... this was a bigger deal than Dean thought it would be. 

 

“Yes, I’ve been enjoying my extensive time with her.” Cas sighed mostly to himself. He just couldn’t find it in himself to leave her completely unattended. He was still arranging his emotions towards the human child, knowing well that no other Angel has had this experience before. He wasn’t in any way resistant to the feelings, just more of perplexed by them. Dean on the other hand was more... difficult. Cas knew his true heart beyond the facade, and that Dean was actually a gentle man. In no way was he weak, but he was gentle inside, no doubt. It gave Castiel a troubled sense whenever Dean denied himself of his purest traits. He would get him eventually. 

 

While Cas was discussing Dean’s personality issues in his head, Dean was already on his way back to his spot in the kitchen, dragging himself back to the search for new cases and endless piles of research. Cas shook his head in the empty space and padded the rest of his way to the archives, where a long taxing day was to come. 

 

A few hours of Sam huddled up in his room he came out with his hair askew with dark circles faded around his eyes as he clutched a dark green book in his hands. Cas was now sitting across from Dean with a laptop in reach when Sam dragged himself in, raggedly determined. 

 

"I've found Lucifer. Milwaukee, Wisconsin." Sam said slamming a book on the table with finality. Dean came around next to Sam and saw the large, faded and dusty book marked with a dark red page Sam pinned down. Jesus, finally. 

 

"Nice, Sam!" Dean roared and patted Sam on the shoulder. It took forever to try and pinpoint where he was after he screwed his head loose. Finally, a damn win. It was never this easy for them. Never. 

 

"Wait, how did you get him? I mean, he isn't just any hunt." Dean said, now a little skeptical about how he found Lucifer so easy. It couldn't've been this easy. Not without doing something stupid, something majorly stupid. Dammit, Sam... 

 

"Lucifer is getting lazy, apparently. His warding is almost nothing. With his mind mush, we might actually get a shot. I’ve been working on a spell for weeks, and I finally got it to work with some extra ingredients." Sam said packing a duffel with his stuff as he put Dean’s worries to rest. I guess we're going then, Dean thought. Dean himself wasn’t much for waiting, but Sam was more of a perfect planning kind of guy. But not this time, apparently. 

 

Cas got up and went to the armory to grab some things without any further discussion, grabbing a tool he snuck from the British Men of Letters. Dean went to the garage to check on Baby and get a pack of beer for the drive as Sam packed ingredients for his spell with one of the most boring conversations Dean has had to withstand in his life. They were hoping Lucifer was still weakened after the whole Amara blasting him away, but it wasn't very likely that he’d be easy to deal with. Even weakened, he's still Lucifer. A manipulative mastermind of torture. An asshole, some absolutely everyone would say. 

 

Once Cas felt prepared enough, he snuck back into Alyssa’s room again. Dean said that he was hell bent on getting lunch in before the ride, so he knew Cas had some time before they had to leave. He gave her a feeding just over an hour ago, but he was there for another reason, one he didn’t fully understand. A tug in his core, his eternal existence clung to the child sleeping in that crib with everything it had, and it wasn’t letting go, Cas was certain of that. It’s similar to what his affiliations are with the Winchesters, but entirely new in its’ own identity in Castiel’s perception. At this point in his endless pondering, it didn’t matter as much where the maternal instincts, more of that he needed to act on them. 

 

He wondered over to the edge of the barred bed, the sensation of smooth, stained wood under his fingertips. Below him, Alyssa’s chest rose and fell in gentle rhythm, her lips parted in utter comfort of rest. It was a rare sight to Castiel, only seeing the Winchesters in sleep, which was also a rather brief event. It made him sad that the brothers haven’t seen true relaxation in the beautiful human gift of sleep. 

 

Speaking of sleep, Alyssa was starting to rustle in her sleeper, her eyes fluttering in the low glow of the desk lamp. Her pupils landed above her on the eyes of the Angel resting his forearms on the crib, smiling softly back down at her. Her face wrinkled in discomfort, giving light whines and wriggling her arms against the confinement of her crib. Castiel scooped her in his arms and pulled her to his chest, readjusting her swaddle. Like a switch had been flipped, Alyssa didn’t make a sound except for a fond coo as her head buried itself into the crook of Castiel’s elbow. 

 

For the past week or so, Cas had been reading about infant care and studying child development whenever Alyssa was having a nap, and he had read about this particular behavior before. Around this stage of growth, it seemed that infants could recognize their parental figures and they would confide their security with them, depending on their bond. It seemed that Alyssa was taking a bond to Castiel.


	9. It's complicated, ish

Before Dean packed them all up in Baby, Cas checked on Alyssa one last time to feed her and called Jody over to watch her until they got back in the next day or so. Jody said she be there in a few hours and to be safe, taking the job without question. The boys were both in the car outside when Cas got back. He slid in the back and Dean sped off to Milwaukee. The trip was long and filled with classic rock and another one of Sam and Dean's prank war. It was slightly annoying, but overall fun to watch. Cas even joined in, but he gave Sam the credit.

“What the hell, man?” Dean yelled at Sam, spitting out pieces of the donut that Cas covered in salt. Sam was the one that gave it to him, but the prank was Cas’ idea. And Sam had to admit, it was one of their best. Sam belted out at the look of horrified disgust on his brother’s face, pointing at his reaction. Cas stifled a chuckle in the back seat but didn’t blow his cover.

“I don’t put maggots in your salad, you didn’t have to ruin a perfectly good donut.” Dean pouted, washing the unpleasant aftertaste down with his beer. He was already planning on how to get him back. _Maggots wasn’t a bad idea..._ He thought as he pulled back on the road.

"Where exactly is Lucifer?" Cas asked leaning up in between the two front seats. Sam turned back to him, going over the plan in his head again before repeating it to Cas.

"The first step of finding Lucifer was tracking down his main area. The second step is to find his exact location with another tracking spell in the general area" Sam saw Castiel's skeptical look and assumed he had something to add. He waited a few seconds before Cas made his case.

"What are we going to do when we find Lucifer? We don't have a plan. And if he's gained his full strength back, we can't take that kind of power." Cas said gravely. He knew what Lucifer was capable of and he didn't want to get mixed up in it again. Sam of all people understood Cas' reaction and told him the game plan. He didn't want to see Lucifer any more than Cas.

"We aren't going to go up against him unless we need to. We need to find out more about where he's been and what state he's in right now. It’s more of an info run than a hunt." Sam said opening a beer. Cas relaxed his shoulders knowing there was a plan and leaned back in his seat. Dean gripped the wheel a little tighter and shot Sam a confused glare.

"So, we're not even gonna do anything about Lucifer? We’re just gonna let him walk around on everyone else while we sit on our asses?" Dean snapped. Sam shook his head at Dean's nonsense and told him to pace himself, as usual.

"Dean, we can't just take on Lucifer. He's lost his mind but he's still the most powerful Archangel out there. We're not walking into that trap, not again." Sam said ending the discussion, or so he thought. He didn't want to be Lucifer's toy again. His memories were seeping into his vision, but he shoved them back to the depths of his mind before he could see the end of it.

"We've done it before!" Dean tried to counteract, but Sam was already on top of it.

"Dean, the last time we Lucifer it took years, and with a lot more help. I don't see Gabriel or God anywhere around, and I don’t exactly want to call up Rowena or Crowley for a road trip, so this is our best move." Sam said sharply, his words like daggers slicing from his mouth. Dean couldn't argue anymore so he just shook his head and glared down the road with concentrated anger. No one spoke for about an hour into the ride until they stopped for gas in a run down seven eleven. Dean was filling up and everyone got out to stretch their legs when Sam leaned on the Impala next to Dean. 

"I saw a burger joint just down the road. You up for it?" Sam asked when Dean had a joyful glint in his eye. His love for fast food will be something Sam will never understand. And not to mention, Dean’s still a ken doll from head to toe. It was, indeed, a supernatural mystery.

"Why do you even ask me anymore? Hell yes!" Dean roared out while throwing his hands up in the air, grabbing one more beer from the cooler before turning back to the Impala. Cas was sitting on the hood of the car under his trench coat and jacket with a beer in his hand, messing with his phone. He didn't need to drink but he enjoyed the social aspect of it, as well as an occupation, as it seemed to appease the Winchesters. It was even fun sometimes.

Dean couldn't breathe from the sight. Cas had rolled up his sleeves from his dress shirt tucked under his thick trench coat and suit jacket, letting his lips wrap around the thin neck of the bottle. Dean could see his taut muscles over his hip bones whenever he lifted his arms and he had to look away just to keep his sanity. He couldn't believe he couldn't get a grip and control himself over some skin. He was a guy, and an Angel, he kept reminding himself. He was embarrassing himself with how worked up he was about some stupid dress shirt.

He knew in the back of his mind that it was wrong that he thought his guy Angel friend was sexy, but in the late nights when nothing else could get him off, he found his mind wondering to him. He thought of being pushed against the wall, as well as shoving him into the wall. He wasn’t supposed to be submissive like that, give himself up like that to someone and let them take over. No matter how much porn he watched, how much whiskey he let drain down his burning throat, he couldn’t shake it. Though he would always try.


	10. It Seems Familiar

They all went over and ate lunch at the joint across the street and Dean  planned to load  up the cholesterol while Sam had his usual salad.  When the waitress came over, both Winchesters had their opposing tastes at the ready. The waitress, on the other hand, seemed to be taken aback for a second, especially with Sam. She quickly realigned herself and pulled out her scratchpad to take orders. 

“Hey there, my name is Sadie and I’ll be taking your order.” She said, sounding as if rehearsed endless times to an infinite number of other customers. To her relief, the Winchesters didn’t pay her too much mind. Sam ordered his chicken salad, and Dean his bacon burg er.

“Alright, then. I’ll have that out for you in a bit.” She forced out a chipper tone, rushing back to the kitchen .

Waiting for the food was overall mundane. Dean and Cas talked about how slang worked and that  the phrase  ‘this is the bomb’ didn’t have anything to do with explosives.  Sam would’ve joined it but he was having too much fun with this conversation for it to be over. The immense confusion and concentration on Castiel’s face was  too precious and hilarious to ruin. Not long after Dean had proved the argument of  how gif is pronounced,  Sadie came back with their  plates .

“Here’s your bacon burger and chicken salad. Let me know if you need anything.” She sped her words, shifting herself away before finishing her sentence as her cheeks flushed pink. Sam shook his head to himself with a smirk, watching the shy girl disappear behind the counter once more. It was flattering that she liked him, but he was far from interested, as he hoped to project. Mixing hunters and normal civilians never worked, and it took him a few times to get that.  

Sam noticed that he was far behind from his bickering, because Dean was already going to town with his burger as Cas helped himself to a couple fries hanging at the end of his plate. It would have stuck Sam as odd, but this wasn’t the first  millionth  time he’s seen it. This was a common thing on their road trips when Cas tagged along, so Sam barely spared a glance these days. Whenever they stopped at a diner, Dean would always turn a blind eye to Cas’ hand snagging things from his plate, which was very unusual for the guy that punched Sam in the shoulder for trying to get a bite of “his” breakfast burrito. Cas always got special treatment when it came to Dean.

 Cas snuck another fry across the table and passed the bite with no notice taken from the older Winchester. They were a rather simple molecule he liked the taste of with ketchup on occasion, as he’d informed the Winchesters. It was peculiarly enjoyable. Everything was going as usual until Dean’s hand overlapped Cas’ reaching for a condiment and yanked his inward, scowling at nothing. Cas pretended not to notice but his cheeks said otherwise, although he seemed rather confused by it.

It was obvious that they liked each other, and Sam knew it for a while. Ever since Purgatory, maybe even before that. Cas was too scared of his emotions that he didn't know very well, and Dean was too stubborn to  admit it. But if he’s just being hones t,  both of them are just being ignorant dumbasses  and it was gett ing on his nerves more by the day.  One car ride  without  raging  sexual tension  was  all  the man  wanted.

Sadie came back to their table and lightly placed their check on the  table , looking more collected than her previous encounter. Still, Sam did catch her wandering eye laid on him.  He gave a polite wave before she left, which spurred a  pink  hue  to coat her cheeks  as she  sought safety in the huddle of her co-workers  from the bedazzling man .  It made Sam chuckle.

They got back in the Impala after Sam left a generous tip and drove the rest of the way to Milwaukee.  The ride was oddly quiet, but no one seemed to mind too much with Dean’s mixtape on full blast.  If they were driving with anyone else , they would have pulled their hair out by now from  how Dean obnoxiously sang along to every tape and followed along with the drum solos, but neither of  the people in the car with him seemed to mind  in the slightest .  Whilst Dean was  having a jam out session with one of his favorite ele ven minute Led Zeppelin songs , Sam sat next to him, soaking in his own thoughts.  There’s been a lot of shit these passing months. More so recently.  Lucifer  fresh out of the cage  after God and his sister fighting over their planet  was enough to deal with on its own. Adding on to th at, the  resurrection and leaving of their long dead mother, the British Men Of Le tters and their fancy offer of bull, and now they have a new born baby rested in their care.  A real, screaming, crying, crapping, human baby.

He should call Jody to check in on her.  On second thought, he saw Cas on the ph one  with her  an hour or so ago , so he didn’t  want to be a bother.  Cas ha d really been her guardian Angel since the start.  Who could blame him? She was a true sweetheart, and not even Dean could deny it.  It makes  Sam roll his eyes every time Dean  pretends to be unamused with the kid, when the contrary is obvious. He  _ should _ call  Eileen about this, she’d love it .

Eileen.  His  thought gave pause at her name.  That woman was something else , that was for sure .  Sam couldn’t describe it if he tried. Even Dean had to give her props for her skill in hunting , despite her loss of hearing. Even with the path she’s chosen, she’s still  living to her best  life.  Her smile always greets them whenever  she shows up,  hopeful warmth spreading through his chest when he sees it.

What he was going to do about it, he had no idea.

It  didn’t feel like  long until they were parked outside an old factory with the second tracking spell  tucked against Sam’s thigh in duffel bag .  Tensions were high but none of them  took a breath  before trumpeting into they eye of the storm.  Sam almost tripped on the way there from Dean’s coincidentally placed shoe.  He  laughed  maniacally  as  he mentioned something about a rabbit's foot before Sam flipped  him a generous finger .  It  perplexed the Angel to say the least, but he didn’t dwell long  on it as he knew  one of  the Winchesters  would tell him later . 

Sam  rushed inside to avoid another tripping ,  almost on top of Cas’ tail. He knew what his brother was waging , and he was  refusing to bide into it.  The last prank war they had  ended in a heated wre s tling match fighting over some  snapper fireworks  that Dean  put under Sam’s pillow. He assumed it was  Dean’s  way of lightening the mood,  so he didn’t scold  him  on it  this time .  Besides, he couldn’t say he didn’t have  fun with it.

Between the ancient occult books , random spices and piles of dust,  the tracking party looked a century abandoned already.  But despite the difficulties of  antiques , Sam managed to round everything together with precis ion.  Dean mostly stood watch of anyone passing by that would take suspicion  or  anything that could make a distraction from the spell.

“We got everything?” He hollered in a whispering tone  as he checked the entrances again.

"We still need Angel blood." Sam  announced, turning  toward Cas.  He almost forgot  about the one  last ingredient. Without  hesitation,  the Angel  stepped up, rolled up his sleeve and sliced into his fore arm.  No expression surfaced on Castiel’s face as the crimson poured down into the bowl. Both Winchesters were taken somewhat aback in surprise, but not entire ly shocked from his behavior.  But as fast as the surprise took them,  it was let go. 

The younger Winchester was the one to light the match and drop it in to the bowl, all of them watching the orange flames devour the contents inside. But before it burned to ash, Dean took his cue to dump the bowl onto a wrinkled local map displayed on the table, held down with old pieces of cement. The paper crumbled to black and grey snow as it combust ed , all except a small piece untouched in the top right. Selmer’s Warehouse. The same warehouse they were standing in. Then a sickening round of claps came from behind them. 

"There we go! Good job, guys." Lucifer stood across the building ,  stepping out from the shadows after flashing red eyes through the darkness.“ Well, uh... you found me.” He shrugged with a playfully nervous smirk.


	11. Nice Try

In an instant of looking at the rebel Angel, Lucifer saw straight through him and his righteous figure to what thoughts were hiding behind. With riding around in his meatsuit (very recently, not to mention) a while he knows how Castiel's mind works. There were so many malicious, animalistic things in his little head just waiting to be discovered. It was disgusting, but it gave him more ground to walk on. Oh, the games he could play. 

He looked to the brothers next, smiling at his number one vessel. His thoughts were just as pestering as Cassie’s. He wanted a future, with a girl and family. He was begging for love. So much that Lucifer almost stuck out his tongue to scrape the pestering, sweet longing off. The best part was, Dean had no idea. I mean, Sam knew about the whole Destiel thing going on, but he couldn’t say the same for Dean.  

Dean was harder to read, since he hadn’t worn his outfit before, but he could see enough. He had similar feelings as Sam, but he’d already found an Angel he wanted to slum it up with. Man of his dreams in his fairy land of apple pie life. But he’s denying it with the line of masculinity propaganda. _“You like women, and you’re a hunter, dammit..”_ was a frequent train in the Dean thought department. Huh. It was hilarious, actually. Gross, but funny. 

"You really thought that I would just let you track me that easy? Seriously? You guys are getting dull in your old age, I mean, this was disappointing.” He said, casting his gaze down in shameful mockery. “C'mon, you guys, I thought you'd have a challenge for me!" Lucifer yelled pitifully, leaning towards the boys and raising his arms openly, landing on his sides with a resounding clap.  

He didn’t go on with his rant but paced the room with his index finger tolling at the edge of his lip in sinister tease. The boys were annoyed, angry and scared, but somehow, they remained with a blank face, keeping a razor sharp eye on every step he made. Well, Sam and Dean had a blank face. Cas on the other hand had his lips drawn in and his eyes darting ever so slightly. He was hiding most of it from frick and frack, but he could see _everything_ in his mind, which looked just like Dean's, in some disturbing respects. 

Being the most recent puppet of Lucifer, Castiel’s mind was still raw from the rattle. He didn’t regret his decision, but it was a hard one to stick with. Lucifer went with a different strategy opposed to physical torture. He played with his mind. Toying with his head, putting thoughts and ideas in his mind, slowly breaking him down to the point where he didn’t put up a fight and he left him alone. Which was hands down some of Lucifer's finest work, if he didn’t say so himself. 

He said that he was just a tool, an object to the world, to the Winchesters. He said he was just useful and nothing more and that he would be abandoned sooner or later, that they didn’t care.  

“ _You’re nothing to them! Just a_ _junked_ _-_ _up_ _Angel to notch around their belts!” He ranted, kicking Cas in the gut as he watched the blood drip to the floor. "Let’s face it, they call for help and... Yep, nope, just that. You think you’re a brother? Try_ _bodyguard._ _You_ _don’t make the choices, you just follow orders, same as old times, Cassie. Just like_ _the old days, buddy._ _They’re no better than Heaven and what big Daddy-O had for you. They don’t care, he doesn’t care. Not anymore, if he ever did_ _._ _” He said as he bent down to Cas’ face_ _, and threw his fist into Cas’ jaw again._ _._  

 _“Here, there’s nothing. No pain._ _So_ _,_ _it’s in your best interest to chill here, while I get a better meat suit, and I save the world. It’s a win_ _win_ _, Cas. Just take it._ _I’ll make it worth your while._ _” He said, crossing arms waiting for an answer._  

 _Cas didn’t get up, he didn’t move as he watched his crimson tears leak out of his body. After three weeks of this, this is what did it._ _After three weeks of swinging, fighting, and clawing his way out of Lucifer’s ways, this was the last. He rested his fists and finally opened his eyes._ _He really was just a tool. Nothing more to be cared for or loved. He just kept his head down, panting_ _like a cowering dog_ _. Lucifer smirked as he knew he finally won, and he stalked off. And he never came back after that._  

 _Cas broke, and gave up. It was better there. Just Netflix and Amazon. He remembered seeing Dean when he tried to get him out, angry, frantic and.. Sad? He sat there confused as to why he would come to save him. There were more important things to do, more important things to care about, more important people that mattered more._  

 _Then Crowley showed up and urged Cas to eject him, to come back. But there was no point. He was better off here, where Lucifer could defeat Amara. He simply walked away as the two demons fought in his head._  

 _One day Lucifer brought him to control to persuade the Angels to help with the Darkness. And that moment was the only moment he felt purpose when he was awake. When he woke up, he saw his Father with the Winchesters planning to cage her again. He stayed awake for the fight, but only the fight. He didn’t focus on Dean when he shed tears, he didn’t pay attention to Sam when he made the sacrifice of baring the Mark, even when he knew it would turn him into something he wouldn’t recognize._ _He turned a shunned_ _glance when Dean tried to argue with Lucifer for Cas’ safety, he didn’t listen when Dean tried to fight for Cas’ dignity. He shut it out._  

 _Then there was the battle. Light and darkness. He remembered bits and pieces, he remembered how the atmosphere had a sharp tang of magic, sulfur, and Angel_ _smi_ _ting sickness. He remembered the lights bursting and the looks of determination and fear on their faces. He remembered how God and Amara fought, how she lifted him up like a feather, and struck with everything she had, and then when she shoved Lucifer out of his body just like that. And then he was back. And that was it._  

        Lucifer threw them all up on the wall with a swipe of his hand and held them there, suddenly impatient. It was just so satisfying to slam them into the hard concrete, watching their priceless reactions and hearing the thud of their spines on the cold, stiff surface. It was just too easy. They all tried to break out of his grip, scraping their feet on the wall and gritting their teeth bin frustration, but they knew it was no use. Lucifer passed Sam and walked right up between Cas and Dean wriggling in their places along with Sam across the worn-down wall. He looked between them all and pursed his lips together, wondering what he could possibly do now... _Got one,_ He thought to himself. 

"Let's get started!" He boomed with a snap of his fingers, and Sam was gone. Just like that, they were alone and so was Sam, where ever he was. Dean glared daggers at him, his fists clenched and bound to the wall.  

"Where the hell is he?!" Dean roared out, desperate for an answer. Lucifer, of course, didn't take him seriously and waved him off like the little bug protozoa he was. 

"Oh, he's fine. Safe and sound back home." He said almost teasingly. Lucifer clapped his hands and rubbed them together. "Now, what should we start with on you two? You know, there’s just so much crap between you morons.” He said, pretending to think about it when he pulled his head back up and snapped his fingers once again, pointing.  

“Oh! I got one! How about you tell Cas when you saw him that night with Alyssa?” Lucifer said putting his finger to the side of his mouth in a tsking gesture, eager to see the satisfying reactions. It was well worth it, as he knew it would be. Dean avoided eye contact with Cas, trying to focus on Lucifer and Cas looked confused. He gave a surprised look at Cas and took that as the time to drag them through the whole story. It was almost like Cas set it up. 

“Remember? The night when Alyssa was crying, well, really screaming, and you were singing that _stupid_ song that Gabe always had playing, feeding her and rocking her to sleep like a little daddy?” 

Cas started to look back on that memory but showed no recollection to his brother. Lucifer could see he remembered with ease, but he wanted to play this round on a little longer because... well, because he could. It was so easy with these two, it was almost sad. It did make for a fun game, though. 

“Well, Dean certainly does, with him and Sam peeking their little heads over to watch you. Dean just, _poof_! Mind blown.” He explained, doing an exploding gesture near his temple.  

“He went soft. He thought he loved you. He actually, _loved_ you. Sickening, none the less. But you have feelings too, being the faulty Angel, you are, which I still can't understand.” He said, back tracking his confusion on why he would stay with these flawed, savage monkeys when he’s an elite power of God. He couldn’t say he expected more, but it  was still disappointing.  

“You think you have a chance with him. A chance that it’ll all work out and you can skip down the yellow brick road to paradise, where nothing you did will matter! Like you can get away with the things you did to Earth, to Heaven? Like nothing happened and you’ll just forgive yourself with the rest of the world? Well, lemme tell ya, buddy,” He snapped angrily, drawing his finger toward Cas. “It doesn’t work that way! Not with these maggots!” He yelled gesturing to Dean. “You don’t just make it work and it’s all happy and you love each other for the rest of this little life! Nope!” Dean and Cas both tensed after his rant, not knowing how to react expect to ignore it and stare him down. Lucifer gave a shocked laugh as he saw their thoughts of confusion and fear. 

“Oh, my dad, this is hilarious. You two. Really?” He laughed and pointed to them as he laughed to himself, shaking his head when he realized something even more disappointing. 

“You know the sad thing is, you guys will just cover this up and pretend it never happened. You’re like little kids. Even for me, that’s- that’s childish.” He said still laughing, gripping his knees. Dean’s gaze was about to burn a hole through the wall and Cas bit his lip in annoyance in his smartass brother. 

“Now to the real fun!” he yelled as he began to choke Dean out of the blue with his fist in the air and added on with a quick retort, “Let's get this show on the road.” Cas tried to pry himself off the wall with a cold fear and boiling anger. Lucifer wouldn’t let up for a second even when Dean mouthed 'Imma kill you, you bastard' before he strengthened his grip around his throat, leaving him the only smartass left to speak. 

“Stop!” He screamed in his powerful Angelic tone, trying to break free as his voice echoed from the depths and up to the hollows. He couldn't see this again. He couldn’t see him die again. Lucifer carried on for a few more seconds before releasing his neck. Dean took a gasp of air and leaned his head back exasperated. _Ah_ , _I could do this_ forever. Lucifer walked up to Cas and grabbed something from his pocket. He grabbed his face and sliced into it with a long silver blade. He roared out and turned his head to the side, his grace shining through. Dean did the same thing Cas did and snarked “bastard!” to the best of his ability, which followed with another cut down his arm. 

Cas yelled and slammed his head back bearing his teeth. Dean was getting dizzy, so he didn’t yell this time. This carried on for a few hours that seemed like forever with Lucifer switching between them and throwing in more and more of the tension they’ve built up over the years. Every single scenario they’ve been through. The 'I need you's, the spared moments of connection, the awkward tensions, and the self-sacrificing with a new version of pain. All of it was there and out in the open. They both hurt. Eventually, Lucifer put the blade back and took a couple steps back to look at the two. 

“Alright, I’ve had my fun, I’ll let the hunt go on; leave you back to your studies. So, see you sooner or later, I’ll be waiting, boys. But hey, nice try.” And with that, they were back outside next to the car and Lucifer was long gone. Dean leaned back on the trunk to try and regain his focus while Cas took it on to try and heal himself. _What the hell just happened?_  


	12. Can We Talk?

They packed up in the Impala and made their way back in shambles. They didn’t talk the entire trip. They barely looked at each other. Well, they thought. They would steal glances at each other to check on their wounds. They were expecting more but with Lucifer losing his screws, he's unpredictable. It was a bored predator’s trick: to let the prey go, just to let it run off until the predator pounced again.

Cas had to drive because Dean was so far gone. The still, silent hours passed by with a thick tension you could cut through. Dean eventually passed out from exhaustion, which was expected. Cas kept an eye on him the rest of the way back, worrying about when he would wake up. 

But he soon launched himself awake, not remembering that he got in the car. He calmed down soon after it clicked in his head, but he didn’t like the fact that Cas was driving Baby. He found he could manage though. It was Cas, he trusted him. Especially when he knew that Dean would slit his throat if he did something to her. It wasn’t as bad as he thought, and Cas was actually a good driver.

When they got back Sam was pacing the room with his hands in his hair. He caught his eye on them standing behind him and froze for a second before he walked up to Dean giving him a hug.

“Holy shit, dude! You scared the crap out of me.” Sam exhaled in relief patting Dean’s back, not hearing Dean’s thick response. He came to hug Cas and he hugged back with his one good arm. Sam noticed he held his left arm away and he backed up to get a look at it.

“What happened back there?” He said gesturing to Cas’ arm. He looked down at it himself and reminded himself of that little part of missed time. He didn’t want to go over the whole scheme, and Dean didn’t look in the mood either, so he just put in the answer to the unspoken question Sam really wanted to know.

“A couple of hours and I’ll be able to heal it.” He said lightly shaking his arm. Sam nodded and patted them on the back, the joyful ordeal slowly fading away. Cas looked back towards Alyssa's room with the door shut with worry that both brothers could see through like glass.

"Where's Jody?" Cas asked with concern. Sam looked back to her room and back at Cas. He really had something with Alyssa that he couldn’t describe or really explain. He'll never understand why or how they came to be so close. Maybe one day they'll get the back-ground check. 

"I sent her home. Alyssa was up all day and throwing a fit while you were gone. She went to sleep a few minutes ago. She'll be out for a good few hours." Sam said, nodding towards Alyssa's closed door and saw that Cas relaxed noticeably. Sam sighed and pursed his lips for a short moment before adding the other avoided subject with a lower note in his tone.

“Well, Lucifer was a bust. Back to square one tomorrow. I’ll see you in the morning.” He said as he padded down the hallway to his room, clearly exhausted. Apparently, Alyssa was a lot to handle without Cas around. It was both a fear and a comfort. 

Cas and Dean sat in the kitchen eating some very late dinner, Dean going to town on some leftovers and Cas taking short chugs of his beer as an occupation. They didn’t talk the entire time and sat across from each other soaking in angst. What the hell were they supposed to say anyway? Dean was about to leave as he couldn’t take the awkward situation anymore when Cas called his name.

“Dean…” he said, pleading the smallest bit. “Can we talk?” Well, there it was. They were going to have to acknowledge what happened sooner or later, probably. There was no avoiding this anymore, so he sat down next to Cas who had moved to the couch. He wanted to prove Lucifer wrong. He was a man, god dammit, and he wasn’t gonna let this beat him. Still, they sat fairly close to each other unconsciously.

“What did you see that night? When I was with Alyssa?” He asked barely making eye contact as he gazed into the abyss ahead of him. Dean bit the inside of his lip and mustered up the courage to speak. Well, it wasn’t the worst question to answer but still awkward, none the less. But he was an adult, he could handle this.

“I saw… I saw you rocking her so naturally and singing that song, lulling her to sleep. I saw how she looked at you and how you looked at her. She really likes you and I have no idea how you two got that close in a few hours. I’ve never seen that before. Sammy and I… we were a little worried about how you were going to be with Alyssa at first. We didn’t think you’d get what she was or what she needed. But it turned out that you were actually better with her than we are.” Dean said, not being able to sneak his shit humor into his speech. He then looked over at Cas, whose face was clouded with confusion. He didn’t really know what he was expecting but it wasn’t like this in his mind.

“Why were you afraid to tell me about that?” Cas asked, meeting his gaze, suddenly gaining confidence. Dean sunk in his seat and averted his eyes to the floor. He took it back. Yes, yes it would be awkward. But Lucifer said that Cas had feelings for him too. Now, he wasn’t just going to trust he was telling the truth. But sometimes he does, especially if it could hurt or tighten the strings. Still, Dean didn’t know how to explain this to him. He didn’t know how to admit it. But, he had to. 

“Cas, I… I don’t know you just made me feel…. You made me feel gentle, soft. I haven’t felt that way before, and a hunter doesn’t just lose their edge like that. But I did, just like that. You made me feel... love,” Dean sighed, not comfortable with the foreign word falling from his mouth. “and it was weird. It was really weird, and I don’t know how to explain it.” Dean said slowly losing his confidence and speeding up the conversation before fading away into himself. His nerves and instincts were screaming for him to leave, but something glued him down to his place. 

“I haven’t felt like this before either. And yes, it is 'weird', as you say it. But it isn’t exactly bad, I don’t think.” He said waiting anxiously for Dean’s reaction. It was an odd feeling anticipation. A feeling he hadn’t truly experienced until now. Dean was expecting Cas to shut him down and Cas was counting down the clock before Dean walked off or denied having this conversation. But neither of them turned away this time. 


	13. I Trust You, It's Okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning ahead: this chapter is basically some heartwarming porn. So if you'd prefer to stay naway from that category, I'd sugest skipping this chapter. As for the rest of you, I hope you enjoy the sexy bonding.

They inched closer to one another, Cas gripping Dean’s hand for reasons he couldn’t find reasonable. This set off a switch in Dean's brain. He just needed him in that moment. He felt that flutter (as god damn sappy as it sounds) of realization. Realization that this could really happen. It all kind of clicked in Dean’s head that Cas had just admitted that he shared feelings for him. A crazy, stubborn, fucked up human.  What Cas as thinking shagging up to Dean, he didn’t know. He knew he wasn’t supposed to have this, he didn’t deserve it, but he’d be mad not to take it. He wasn’t strong enough to resist. 

Cas leaned their foreheads together and let himself get lost in the deep forest in Dean’s eyes, Dean drowning in the warm ocean of blue starting back at him. There was no sane thought process that led up to this point, but it just felt like the right, and namely only thing to do. Everything changed when Dean brought their lips together for one second where the world seemed to stop.

It was a chaste and a somewhat short touch, but it was very satisfying. Dean pulled back to look at his face to see Cas’ utter shock and awe. It just.... happened. Neither of them thought about the action, they just did it. His lips were softened, and his eyes were swallowed up by the dark lust in his eyes, covering the blue. One instant, just one moment turned Cas’ eyes black and his lips a darker, swollen red. And Dean suddenly realized that he was aching for more, and he wanted it now. Right now.

 Dean came back stronger this time, letting his mouth open to the taste and Cas did the same, kissing back with more intensity. Dean could hear Cas take a sharp inhale at the feel of Dean’s lips on his. The room felt warmer, and Dean wanted his clothes off. Dean wasn’t... Expecting, this reaction, or this feel to it. It was different than a woman, but a good different. Not just good, this felt better. He liked the sensation of an equal strength against his own, knowing that they were equal to one another, and that this mattered. 

Cas’ Grace was surging inside him, scratching at him for more of that high. He’s never felt this raw urge for someone, and it couldn’t compare to any other feeling humans experienced. Lust, wasn’t it? Yes, that. That’s what was making his skin crawl with nerves, feeling electric to the touch. That’s what was making his body rush with velvet, swarming heat that devoured logic. He’d somewhat pictured this moment, but fantasies couldn’t form the mere soul of it. Yes, it was different than he thought of it in his head (not that he thought of it happening at all), but this was even better.

 They suddenly had their hands all over each other. In their hair, on their cheeks, their chins and chests. Dean could feel the ripples in Cas’ spine as he dipped his tongue into his mouth, Cas clinging to the collar of his flannel and that may have been the last little piece of sanity Dean had left. Dean couldn’t take it anymore, and he straddled Cas’ lap, pressing their chests together and synchronizing their breathing. Instead of pausing, Cas reached his hand further down Dean’s back, gripping his ass. There was no pause, there was no slow or stop, there was only want. 

 When Cas tugged Dean’s hair and grazed his hand up his chest under his shirt, Dean flat out moaned in his mouth, like a rookie teenager. Dean thought it would give Cas some unease, but he responded by moaning back. They were drowning, and they didn’t want to be saved. 

Dean wasn't expecting this at all, and Cas could only dream of this moment. Dean suspected it was going to be weird since Dean has never been with a guy before, but it didn't feel weird. It just wasn't. And yes, Dean may have learned a few things about being with guys from some regretful nights on the internet, but he never dared of acting on it. Until he met Cas. The two of them didn't have a cliché love at first site thing. It was more of astonishment, confusion and curiosity. Once they grew together there was no turning back, as one feeling inevitably led to another. No one has ever made Dean feel a fraction of how he does now. No one in the entire universe made Cas feel like this, let alone feel at all. Until this.

Everything they’ve done, everything that’s happened, has led up to this. It now seemed silly in their minds that they tried to put it off and deny it. Dean felt a warmth bloom in his chest with a sense of clarity washing over him: Cas is all that he wanted. Sure, he still loved women and he “enjoyed” them, but Cas is the one that stayed. The one he needed was right in front of him. At that thought, Dean held a tight grip at the tassels of hair on Cas’ head almost pleading for his touch.

 In response, Cas pawed his way up Dean’s chest, a feral glint in his eye. It was mesmerizing, and Dean forgot that he needed to breathe for a second. There was nothing more attractive in this world than the Angel sitting below him. The thought scared him a bit. HE couldn't put into words how much he... loved Castiel. 

Love.

That word hasn’t been used in his brain for ages. It hasn’t been put next to anyone’s name that crossed the lover boundry. That was, everyone except Cas. He couldn’t stop it, no matter how hard he tied. No matter how many girls he got, no matter how much alcohol he drank, no matter how much he tried to deny it, He needed him. He was starting to accept it.

“Dammit...” Dean muttered under his breath at the buttons of Cas’ shirt. If he just wore a t shirt, they would be naked right now. But he couldn’t be mad with Cas’ attire. It’s what made him Castiel. Still, he found himself frustrated at the fabric as he threw it to the floor. While Dean was having an internal conversation about Cas’ outfit, his shirt was being torn from his body and tossed behind him faster than he could blink. 

Dean’s eyes widened for a second in bewilderment, but he didn’t waste another brain cell on the thought, coming back to Cas twice as hard. It was sloppy, and covered with spit, but it was never enough. They clawed at each other for more skin, more tongue, more touch. But it wasn’t enough in that moment with the train of blood flow faster than thought and mind.

Cas was nervous, and Dean didn’t exactly know what he was doing, but they both wanted each other too much to wait or think about it. Dean has been wanting this to happen for a while and had a large amount of fantasies of what he could do with him, what he’d let Cas do with him. Now that he realized Cas might  _want_  to, he couldn't stop himself. Because Cas was his then. No one else in the universe was allowed to his passage except Dean, and vice versa.

 Cas was on a highway of hormones and he couldn’t bring himself back down from the adrenaline and dopamine he could feel passing through his Grace as his veins hummed with pleasure. He then felt himself starting to tremble with a feeling he couldn’t describe. More than one, now he thought of it, which has never happened before in any circumstances. But then again, he’d never really been in this position before.

 He felt a need for the man. Something so primal and raw that shuddered in his core. But he was also scared. Scared he would screw it up, scared he would ruin this moment. Maybe it wasn’t real. Maybe he’d wake up with a mess in his pants and Lucifer’s laugh in the back of his head, knowing he was right. Such a seemingly mundane thing, yet his hands still shook with emotional overflow. His thoughts made him shake, and he was being consumed. Maybe. Maybe, maybe.... 

Dean felt Cas’ hands quivering at his side and took them in his, knowing his thoughts like the back of his hand. Because they were just like his.

“I’m nervous too, okay? It’ll be okay.” He said holding his hands up between their chests. Cas let a ragged breath out and they held each other letting their tongues play. Dean bled the certainty that Cas needed, and he wasn’t scared. Of all people in the world and the world, he could trust Dean. Maybe, finally, this was real.  

It started to slow down between them. Not by much, but enough to notice their surroundings. Dean started to realize that Cas had a tent in his pants. And, so did he. This wasn’t the first time he got hard from Cas, but this was first time that he saw that Cas was on the same page. It was a surreal moment, really. Cas’ tongue coaxing and pushing him open with the taste that was undeniably Cas.

Was it supposed to feel this way? This good? It was never this good with someone else. It was surreal and new and fed from real emotions other than a one-night stand with a quick bam and a ' _thank_   _you_   _ma’am'_. This was something real that Dean had never had before. Huh. He liked real, it felt awesome. Cas on the other hand had nothing in the ballpark of this nature. Feeling this human was something Cas never thought he come to love, to need. Now he can't get enough. Well, a night of firsts.

“Cas-” Dean was cut off by Cas fumbling with his belt, prying the buckle off. Dean took a second thought at stopping him, but he knew that they’d end up rutting around on the couch. And Dean wasn’t opposed to that, but it would be better with a locked room. Somewhere they were truly alone. Plus, things would be over the roof awkward if they were caught by Sam.

“My room.” Dean growled out through his heaving breaths, shivering at the devious look in Cas’ eye. This was the Cas he’d only seen twice, and that wasn’t even Cas. It was black gunk in his head or the Devil riding shotgun. Maybe they didn’t completely change him. Maybe they just shed light on the Cas he had to keep in the dark. The thought made him shudder with a small sense of unease, but it was quickly forgotten when Cas snaked his hands under Dean’s thighs and pulled him closer.

Cas didn’t make an argument, but heaved Dean into his embrace, their bodies almost melding together from the heat. Walking each other to Dean’s room went slow, but they couldn’t mind in the slightest.  Dean felt their shafts rub against each other as Cas pulled him up, and the moan escaped his throat before he could stop it. They were a mess together, but a hot mess. A good mess.

They finally made it to the right door, and Dean shoved it open, the knob barely hitting the wall. Hopefully they didn’t wake anyone else, but it seemed they were in the clear for now. Dean couldn’t guarantee it, though. And neither could Cas. Dean had never officially been with a man before, and Cas was just going off what he’s seen from others, the internet, and his guttural instinct. It seemed to be working out so far, though.

Dean felt the edge of the mattress at his thigh, and Cas pushed him down flat, following right behind him. He sucked down Dean’s neck without mercy of break, the hot breath giving Dean goosebumps. It wasn’t lost to Cas what he’d seen on Dean’s search history, or the eons he’d spent observing humanity. He learned more than a thing or two, that was the least he could say. Dean felt the loose buckles of his belt brushing against Cas’ crotch and he couldn’t take it anymore. He thrusted up into Cas’ pelvis and earned a huffing moan from Cas, his balance shattering. 

Dean then rolled over, now on top of Cas. Dean was leading the charge now. His hands lingered down to unbutton Cas’ dress pants when they started to shake, like Cas’ earlier. It wasn’t like he was scared, but he was and there was no hiding it. His brain started to race forward without his permission or notice, setting disasters in the future he couldn’t comprehend at the moment.  _Maybe, maybe, maybe...._  Cas felt Dean’s hands losing stability, but he stayed silent. He didn’t say anything for a moment, but he grasped the Hunters hand in his own, the warmth seeping into Dean’s cold nerves.

“I trust you.” He said, plain and simple. It was no more than a straight forward confession, yet the two words meant more than a million. Cas was all that mattered in that moment to Dean, and he knew that. Cas didn’t take his eyes off dean’s, pulling him back to reality. He knew that he was scared of fucking it up with him, too afraid of losing him. Dean still wasn’t one hundred percent sure about how it made him feel with a dude, and the whole situation wasn’t really his style. But he wanted it to be. And those two words set him back, set him whole.

 Cas squeezed his hand for more reassurance and Dean nodded, getting himself over the whole feel's thing. Once Dean told him he was good, Cas slid off Dean’s belt and unzipped his pants and the heat came flooding back, leaving his thought abandoned and forgotten. His thoughts were barely whispering in the far, far back of his head. He was fine, dammit. And he wanted this. So, he shut up and let himself have it.

Cas raised his eyebrow at Dean in that way that only he could, making Dean’s cock ache as he slid his jeans down his legs. He tossed them in a devil may care gesture, and let his eyes slip down to where Dean’s erection showed through his boxers. Dean wasn’t going let Cas be the only one with a show, so he tugged Cas’ trousers down to his ankles with his boxers, kicking them of as he came back up face to face with Cas. He was still looking down at Dean when he reached out to grab Dean’s hardness, a hot tremor waving through his spine. Yep, he was being outdone by a virgin.

“No fair.” Dean growled in Cas’ ear, teasing as he bit it and left a little red mark. Dean nipped down Cas’ chest to his stomach until he reached Cas’ rock-hard length curving up to his stomach, his chest heaving at that point. Dean was nervous about doing this, but he wanted to do this for him. He wanted Cas to have this. He knew Cas was gonna like it, and that was enough to convince Dean to rip his head from the hole of personal homophobic fear as he went through all the things he liked when someone did it to him in his head. 

He finally came down and licked a stripe up his cock, watching Cas tighten his grip on the stark sheets and scrape his teeth together. He watched Cas for one second and instantly was hooked. He was too determined to see more to think about his insecurities. He seriously could not give a shit anymore. That’s just the effect Cas had on him.

Dean took the tip in his mouth and went down as far as he dared, which wasn’t that bad, honestly. Cas gasped and moaned out, shooting a wild look down at him. Dean was getting hard just watching him, which was surprising but not entirely shocking. It started to come into focus that Dean had wanted this for years, but he was too scared about losing his precious masculinity to damage his reputation. It all blurred to a mess of nonsense in his head as he went back down again.

 Dean started to experiment with him, trying to find what made Cas break, what made him lose his breath in a loose moan with an iron grip on the blankets. He eventually found a sensitive area under his tip that got him to shiver, and every move and what his reaction would be. The combinations of Cas’ pleasure were endless, and Dean always wanted to hear that noise again, and slid his tongue up. He went a little more than halfway down and hollowed his cheeks as he slid back up.

“Oh God!” Cas moaned slamming his head back and biting his lip. Dean groaned on his cock and picked up the pace. Cas was gripping Dean’s hair, rolling his eyes back into his head, moaning, groaning and biting his lip, muttering expletives.

“Holy _shit, holy shit....”_  Cas whined as he climbed higher. He could feel the heat pooling in his gut, making his body ridged under Dean’s mouth, his  _god damned mouth_. It felt ten times better than the last time he remembered with his other... intimate experience. Dean was radiating the love he had for him, and he held him as a precious prophecy; sacred, even. Every sensation, every little touch Dean made drove him a step closer to the edge.

 Dean busied himself with Cas’ cock. The feeling of it was different than he expected it to be, but it was good. He liked the taste of Cas in his mouth. It was a musty, salt like taste that he couldn’t describe. He liked it more than he should’ve, but that just made him suck harder, teasing Cas in every way he knew how. He actually got down to the base, which surprised Dean that he didn’t gag. Cas gripped Dean’s shoulders for dear life almost shouting.

“Oh shit, Dean!” Cas gaped his mouth open, the breaths he was taking were never enough to fill his body. The cool warmth was consuming him, filling his belly with brewing pleasure, ready to overflow. Cas pulled on Dean’s hair and shook his head as a warning, knowing what was coming next. Although he’d only experienced the sensation once, it was too distinct to forget. Dean didn’t stop at that, but instead twisted his head.

“Dean, you need to stop. I’m gonna… Ah!” Dean took his mouth off with a lewd pop and smirked up at him. Cas had only felt this feeling once before, but he knew it the second it built low in his gut. He couldn’t take it much longer.

“I want you to.” Dean said as he put his mouth back on him. He was going deep and fast, loving every noise Cas made, growling and whining with the motions. Dean found that sensitive spot he loved so much and stuck his mouth on it, sucking hard, and that did it.

“Oh, fuck-Aah-Aah!” Cas shouted, throwing his head back with his mouth wide open, releasing in Dean’s mouth as his body shook with the waves of pleasure. Each orgasm that passed through his spine made his back arch, giving soft moans at all of them. Dean almost backed away from it but once it touched his tongue, he swallowed everything Cas shot at him. He couldn’t get enough of it. It tasted right, and oddly satisfying. Something about it he couldn’t explain made him suck Cas dry. He blowed Cas until he was completely spent, caressing him down from the sweet adrenaline.

 He then came back up to kiss Cas, who’s chest was heaving and sucking on Dean’s tongue, tasting his essence leftover. Cas was taking in everything Dean had to give with everything he wanted to give. Cas let himself recover before propping himself up on his elbows, smirking. He grabbed Dean’s neck and rolled them over rubbing against Dean’s cock with a stifled groan as a response.

“No fair.” Cas growled out in devious mockery as he drew himself down his neck, finding Dean’s sweet spot on his pulse point. He could feel his heartbeat thrumming in his mouth as he sucked. He went further down to his chest and started to nip his nipple. Dean groaned and grabbed his hair with shock, which didn’t show under his lust. He had no idea what Cas was capable of, and he was begging to find out. Apparently, he had more knowledge than he always let on as Dean felt him nip, bite and suck down his stomach.

 He tore the boxers off his body as if it was on fire. Which honestly, they felt like they were. It wasn’t a second of the cool air on Dean’s cock that Cas enveloped it with his hot, wet mouth. Dean arched his back and moaned out thinking  _‘where the hell did this come from?_ ’. Cas grinned on his cock and went down like a vice. He had  _no_  gag reflex and his mouth was tight. Dean could barely form coherent sentences anymore. Cas’ mouth, his tongue was clouding his senses with a hot storm in his nerves. Cas turned his head along with his hand as Dean let out an honest to god whimper.

 It wasn’t difficult, but Cas still searched his memory for what Dean had ‘taught’ him and everything else he’s been exposed to with this nature, which was only a spectating role. But it was enough to give him an idea. The pizza man wasn’t the only teacher he had from pornography. He found himself quite fond with learning about the “other activities” humans had. What else was he supposed to do when the Winchesters slept?

“Holy fuck, Cas!” Dean moaned, gripping Cas’ hair before retreating them to the sheets, Cas not letting up for one second. He wrapped his arms around his thighs and lifted him into his mouth. Dean cursed out loud and threw his head back with a hard-escaped moan that barely slipped past his lips. 

“Cas, I-AAaa!” He yelled panting with a sheet of sweat building on his body. Dean slapped his shoulder and grip his hair to give him a warning when he felt the heat building in his gut, but Cas didn’t get off. He massaged Dean’s ass and licked the tip.

“Cas, I’m gonna… Oh, FUCK CAS!” He moaned as he came hot and white down his throat. Cas still sucked as he swallowed. Dean laid his head back and had his chest heaving, still shivering from aftershocks. Cas came back up to Dean and saw the shock on his face from what just happened. Apparently, Cas was a fast learner. Dean brought him down to kiss him, letting Dean taste himself on his tongue. They moaned lightly into each other, coming down from their high.

They sat intertwined with their mouths gaping and their hands on their cheeks sitting up on the bed. Everything was slowly floating to normal weight, and their senses dimmed to their usual perception, as everything seemed brighter, louder, and more... sensitive, before. Neither of them was willing to part for a few minutes until Dean let out a yawn, and, Alyssa let out a call for attention all through the bunker.

"You should sleep.” He sighed, carding his fingers through Dean’s hair. It felt soft, and thick. He was tempted to stay, but he knew he had to leave for the moment. “I have to go attend to Alyssa." Cas said giving him a chaste kiss on his forehead, content as can be. Before Cas could take a step, Dean reluctantly grabbed his hand before he got up. 

"You're gonna come back?" He asked slightly embarrassed that he was acting like a clingy child. Cas nodded and gave him another kiss telling him he had nowhere else to go before wiping of putting some of Dean's pajamas on and heading to Alyssa's room. He almost set himself to walk out of the door, but he only realized he was unclothed when Dean tracked his eyes down his expanse. He grabbed some stormy grey pants with a maroon colored t-shirt. Cas didn’t say anything, but he did notice that Dean was staring, more specifically at his ass. Keeping the insight to himself, Cas smirked to himself and padded down the hallway.


	14. By Golly Grace

He came to find Sam standing in the doorway feeding and rocking the distressed blanket, Alyssa whining and crying out from inside. Sam had on his lazy clothes as well, and judging by the tussled hair and soft stance, he was asleep not too long ago. Cas tensed at his presence, internally flushing as the fresh memories played through his ears. Sam didn’t take notice, as he was too occupied with the riling infant, slight panic lining his forehead.

"Hey, Cas. What's up?" Sam said somewhere between a whisper and a yawn in his sleepy state. Cas rubbed his neck in a very human gesture and nodded for no particular reason looking at the floor. He wasn’t very good at lying to good people. Another reason why he wasn't good at hunting.

"Just, doing some reading. How about you?" Cas said in the most normal way he could muster at that moment. His tone was as it usually was, but something seemed off to Sam. He's never worn anything other than his trench coat in the bunker; it was indeed a rare occasion to see an Angel in night clothing. Clothes that looked strangely familiar...

_Oh._

 In an instant all the events clicked in Sam’s brain as to what happened, a great fall of realization exploding into sense. The surprise and relief almost made its’ way to his facial expression, but he hushed the thoughts to the back of his head as not to give it away. Cas seemed shy about it at the time, and Sam was willing to give him the comfort of his supposed ignorance.

He heard them talking earlier and how they abruptly stopped. He remembered hearing an assortment of random noises from Dean’s room and realized Cas wasn’t anywhere else around the bunker. Then he noticed a small red mark on his ear that looked like... Well, it looked like what it was. The biggest clue was the fact that he was wearing not only sweats and a t shirt, but  _Dean’s_  sweats and t shirt gave it all away. 

He knew they were up to something when he left to his room and now, he knew why. He sighed internally in relief but kept a straight face and went about as usual. It was difficult, but manageable for Sam since he had to put up with these two for  _years_.  _Fucking finally_ _,_  Sam reveled to himself.

"Trying to get this little ding bat to go to sleep. She's cute, but she can be a real pain in the ass sometimes." Sam retorted. Cas nodded in agreement, knowing how difficult it could be to ‘put her down’, as he’d heard Dean say. It seemed that nothing they did would ease her.

Cas opened his arms to Sam and he gladly handed her over, planting the riling infant in Cas’ care. He took a good look at her, scavenging for any clue to the fit. Her temperature was normal, there were no interior or exterior issues of any kind. Nothing. She seemed perfectly normal.

“I have no idea what to do.” Cas sighed.

“Yep, me neither.” Sam replied, searching for any sort of solution.

 Alyssa wailed in his arms, a faint ring filling the room, like the ring of an Angel. She let out a cry out that took out the light glowing above the three with a sounding  _'pop'_ , as another bright blue light smothered it from existence. It was gone in an instant, but it was clear as day and there was no doubt about it. It was just at that moment that Castiel realized: she absorbed it.

 _God dammit_. 

Sam stayed Frozen in his place aside Castiel, looking up at the blown-out glass that remained attached to the ceiling if only by melted pieces of plastic. He then turned his gaze to Alyssa, still whining lightly in her swaddle. Whatever Alyssa had just done, it was strong

“Shit." Cas grunted as he stormed down the hallway to get Dean, giving over Alyssa. Sam didn’t seem completely sane in the moment, but he opened his arms nonetheless, mouth gaping in astonishment and confusion as he watched Cas pound out the room. 

It was only when he started walking that Castiel felt his worry rising in his throat. This wasn’t just a mild inconvenience, this could completely change her life as a human. Nothing would be the same if her soul manifested his Grace. He prayed to his absent Father that he would spare her from such a life and picked up his pace. 

He dragged the door open and found Dean lying on his back dozing off. He hurled himself up and saw the exasperated look on Cas' face. He finally heard Sam speak across the hall, calling Cas' name in something alike to helplessness, but he yelled back at Sam to hold on while he tried to sort a few things out.

"What is it?" Dean asked begrudgingly, his face tightening. Cas let out a long breath in response and fell on the bed next to him, his limbs going limp on the mattress with a large sigh. As funny as that would have been, Dean sat silent, letting Cas take his time. He had to admit, it was difficult to keep in the amusement. With nothing else to do but follow mindless instinct, Dean slowly carded his hands through Cas’ hair, willing him to ease. The act was somewhat foreign to him, he knew in the back of his mind, but it was nothing other than natural.

"It's Alyssa. She absorbed some of my grace, and now she's beginning to use it." Cas sighed into Dean's hand, craving his touch, if only for comfort. Even if some tension melted from his body, Dean could see he was seriously worried. Something big was up.

 Dean didn't answer for a while, combing his fingers through Cas’ thick black mop as he thought. The room fell into a tired silence, Cas looking up to the man above him. He was currently looking off in the distance with a face Cas had never seen before. Dean took another moment before looking back down at Cas, his thoughts treading on unreadable.

"We'll figure it out." He nodded to himself. Yes, he was worried, but they’ve been through worse. He wouldn’t let this get out of hand. The thought didn’t give much solace.

 "So, what does this mean for Alyssa?" He asked, truly curious at what his answer would be.

"Most likely this is temporary, and my grace will dissipate in her soul. But it is possible she could have this for the rest of her life. Which means that she would have to completely reroute her life based on her affiliation and make her entire life a dangerous hazard." Cas had his head drooped completely into Dean's hand, not able to give the energy to hold it upright. 

“I don’t know what to do.” His voice shook ever so slightly. Cas had that one truly deep fear that Dean had only seen on his face few times before. Like the night he ran back to him at the gas station. To be honest, it kind of scared him too. Dean still had no idea what this could really do to the kid, but it wasn’t looking peachy.

“That little rug rat’ll be fine.” Dean tried to reassure, kissing the top of Cas’ head. He didn’t really know for sure, as both Cas and Dean knew. But he had a determination to it that it seemed true enough, for now.

They sat there for a few minutes making small talk with each other when Cas’ eyes started growing heavy. It would have been a worrying sight, but it seemed that Cas was contempt with the occupation. Dean sighed to himself and brushed out Cas’ hair until he felt tired as well. The room was eventually silent, both Cas and Dean snoring. Somewhere in the night, Dean moved his arm from Cas’ hair to wrap around his chest, gripping his far shoulder tight. Cas snug his arm around Dean’s waist with no resistance. It wasn’t past midnight when the two were completely tangled together with their breath matching pace. As corny and television like as it sounds, it was just normal now. It just felt normal.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Fact: My brother decided to prank me by hiding "easter eggs" throughout my story as little edits to the story with memes. I was at 31 pages at the time, so it was a pain in the ass and I might have left a few in by mistake. Fair warning for nonsense unexpected shit humor!


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